Confession: I didn’t watch the Super Bowl

Ok well I kind of did watch the Super Bowl. I watched it through social media, never looked at a TV, not even for Gayty Perry.

Here were my observations:

• Nationwide wanted to let the world know that kids die, and you all were super depressed about it.

• Gays like being self-deprecating and witty with their “unfamiliarity” with sports by using terms like “sportsball” and “why is there a football game going on at the Katy Perry concert?!” Really guys….. LOLz!
• Gay guys to football players are what (straight) construction workers are to business ladies; Except it’s not “Look at those boobs.” it’s “Look at those hands…..” Seriously there was a lot of Gronk hand talk.
• Katy Perry just struck a deal with NBC for their reboot of the “More You Know” campaign”

 

• Missy Elliot stole the half-time show— as Missy Elliot does.
• I was in bed by 9:30 pm, but those last two minutes were “CARAZY!” according to all the posts.
• And people were seriously questioning play call sensibility because if they weren’t an IT programmer, they would totally be an NFL coach—they’re practically the same thing.
• Lastly, you all are a bunch of fat-fucks with those dips, and wings, and nachos, and pizza, and and and and and and and….. I bet you all hate yourselves this morning. (I do, I had 25 cent wings, and spent $5)

I just can’t wait until next year when I am rooting for the Buffalo Bills to win the title and everyone will be talking about how Kelly Clarkson stole the half-time show! A boy can dream right?!

Confession: I love clichés and I’m drunk on life!

I didn’t think I could do it. On whim in 2013 I decided I wanted to try an experiment and live sober for one full year in what I consider an alcohol dependent pop-culture. Whether its admiring Olivia Pope’s penchant for ending a long week with a glass of red, or participating in a Sunday Funday — we are a culture that idolizes alcohol, me included.

Turns out I am not alone, nor the first to complete the challenge. So it was validating to know that anyone who wanted to consider this an attention-getting-tactic could simply bite me. I’m also that guy who bets everything regardless of the odds. I knew that if I was going through with this I needed to go big; it couldn’t be just one week, not three months – it had to be one full year as well as writing this blog.

It’s been a transformative year because it became about so much more than abstaining from martinis,  Crabbie’s, and red wine Thursdays. I matured, gained confidence, and made some valuable life choices along the way, some that I would like to share with you. I’m a few weeks behind on the Top 10 list, but as the New Year gets underway ending my self-induced sobriety I offer up my Top 10 lessons learned from an alcohol free year.

10. Social warfare is a thing

You realize those who aren’t friend material and you stop giving all the fucks.

Prior to this I just went with the flow when it came to my social life tolerating everyone even when tolerance was in short supply. In my early to mid-twenties my great friend Michael P. used to say, “do you want to go out to hang out with me or do you want to go out just to be seen?” I never fully understood that reference until about four years later, and I realize I have some friends who really just like to be seen and are suuuuuper shady. They could care less that I was not out at the clubs, they actually probably preferred it because there was one less person to fight for the spotlight.

I’m not the type of person who just let’s relationships lay in an ether of fakeness, playing nice just for the sake of decorum. I was raised on soap operas, what can I say?! This is especially true for those living out the real life version of Mean Girls, desperately seeking validation through a gay sub-culture being hyper-critical of their friends, posing as a self proclaimed life coach when really they just can’t mind their own business, rolling their eyes anytime your name is mentioned in their presence. [end rant]

This year I’ve identified my meanings (and requirements) for a friend, an acquaintance, and (social) enemy. Now I know “enemy” sounds dramatic — perhaps even petty, but there’s a few reasons. First, there are only a few social enemies. Second, I use the word enemy with these select few as a helpful reminder that there are significant reasons why they don’t fit into the other two categories. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!

I’m a sensitive, reasonable guy at heart and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. To fall into this category means you really effed up. I’m a forgiver so there is a chance for redemption, but the slate is never fully erased just like the chalk boards of my catholic school days. For the record, if any of these social enemies were on fire I would totally put the fire out……….. I went to Catholic school after all.

9. Friends increase in value

When you fall into my friend category you have to embody some of the following components:  kindness, humor-especially wit (big one), respect, a favorite reality TV show except Survivor, intelligence, at least one Beyoncé song in a playlist, and above all credibility. These are some more and of course these are mostly arbitrary to a certain extent, but that’s the beauty of choosing to live your life according to your set of standards, not letting the masses influence your principles much like alcohol influences judgement. I don’t need to have the most friends on social media to know that I have actual human friends who respect me.

To those who listened to me vent and debated with me, those who still asked if I wanted something non-alcoholic from the bar, those who did things with me outside of the bar scene I cannot thank you all enough for making this year enjoyable and invigorating in a much different way.

Sexy Bitches

UPDATE: Mark and I finally talked and things are good.

8. What you say (or blog about) has consequences.

It’s always humbling and exhilarating to run into people, acquaintances if you will, who   say they read my blog. What’s even more exhilarating is when people disagree with me, and not just for the sake of arguing.

Some readers were seriously put off by my St. Patrick’s Day blog post. Let’s just say there was a lot of judgement thrown from my end regarding alcohol consumption on this day. And by judgement I labeled those who get trashed among the many watching the parade as “assholes.” I still stand by my sentiments, but learned from many locals to Boston that this day actually holds a traditional presence amongst their friends and family. Not that this is an excuse to become belligerently drunk, but it brought some understanding that this day, for some, is much less about the alcohol consumption and more about celebrating their ancestry.

Intelligent and insightful debate makes my world go round. I am far from being an oracle of knowledge or life experience, so to learn different perspectives, knowledge that I don’t know, and even having the humility to say I don’t know something has been one of the best rewards from this past year.

7. My focus and productivity increased substantially

Admit it this past year you’ve spent at least one full weekend day in bed nursing a hangover flip flopping from Facebook to Netflix to perhaps some unmentionable activities. The laundry pile stares at you, the empty bag of Cheetos mocks you along with pepperoni slice you’ve found on the floor somewhere between the kitchen and bedroom. You promised yourself to clean the apartment that day and clearly this doesn’t happen, productivity is pretty low.

I also think most of us can admit that even having a couple of drinks can affect our ability to function the next day, especially as we get older. My Thursday wine nights always made for a lackluster Friday workday. (I hope my boss isn’t reading.) It’s a no-brainer, but experiencing is believing. The toxins that are working their way out of your body whether completely hungover or just processing a drink or two impact the ability for the mind and body to optimally function.

Living alcohol free allowed my work days to be more focused even to the point where I have adopted the Pomodoro Technique. Alternating between 25 minutes of focused time and 25 minutes of multitasking leisure time has boosted my productivity at work.

 My workouts have taken on a new intensity and priority allowing me to go from pear shaped to square shaped. I’ll never have a six-pack but man to not have a muffin top for the rest of my life would be amazing! Alcohol impeded this so (strict) moderation is the key!

6. Be careful, you might replace one thing for the other

According to the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention one in three people are considered excessive drinkers, which is determined by consuming 1-2 alcohol drinks during the week and almost two to three times more on the weekend. Prior to this challenge, I definitely fell into that 33%. I can only speculate now, but I am confident that will change to moderate for the remainder of my life.

Turns out though I have that “excessive” issue in general, and not having alcohol helped identify other areas where this psuedo-additcive activity was present or that I was just replacing the lack of alcohol with other indulgences. Whether it be binge eating an entire large pizza, or spending almost entire weekends in bed with a buddy, even though you’re eliminating one thing doesn’t mean you’re addressing the bigger issues. Because of that realization I am currently seeking out therapy to essentially prevent this indulgent behavior from ever debilitating my day-to-day life.

5. Mornings are quite peaceful

I have always been a morning person, up and at ’em by 7am on most weekends even after a night of drinking (although most of the morning would be spent just laying there). Hangover free mornings are magical, especially on weekends. Living in a city like Boston there are just so many people all the time, especially the more touristy areas. Walking around Boston Common or Harvard Square before 9am allows you to take in those surroundings without the distractions of other people: no crying babies, no text-walkers to plow through, like I said no distractions, just you and your surroundings.

Being able to sit on a beach at 6am in the morning with the occasional dog and his owner sharing the sunrise is one of my new favorite experiences that make me take pause and marvel at the universe I inhabit.

4. I don’t need to rely on liquid courage, confidence is in no short supply

The first time going out without having a drink was like going to my first high school dance, except instead of boys and girls splitting the room it was drinkers and well, just me. It was uncomfortable at first, I was worried I wouldn’t be funny or as animated as some of my other friends who tend to amp it up cocktail after cocktail. But instead of relegating myself to a non-social life for 365 days I made it my mission to not let my reliance of faux courage stop me.

I believe that when we are intoxicated we are a version of our most authentic self. Some say impaired, but I only consider that from the physical sense. From a mental state we are completely open and honest….. it all comes out, it all happens. Drunk texts, late night voicemails, things you regret saying the next morning, and not always good things — these are all things we have been yearning to do in “real life” but fear, insecurity, avoidance, or one bad experience prohibit us from going there.

And as the months passed I became more and more confident in being present. Not thinking about the soda water in my hand, but talking to friends and listening, really listening. Not being afraid to “go for it” in everyday conversation is invigorating. I was able to reciprocate, I was witty, I was the same ole’ JP sans liquor. Sure it takes a little longer to warm up and get comfortable, but once you get past that nonsense the night is as fun as you decide to make it.

It has even helped tremendously in my interpersonal skills at work where I sometimes get nervous around my senior level colleagues because I don’t want to say the wrong or the stupid thing in front of them. Again it’s just realizing that what you have to say matters as long as you are speaking responsibly and within context.

3. Sex is much more enjoyable!

I’ll keep this one short…… but yeah much much better. 😛

2. You save a ton of money (as long as you don’t spend it on other things)

Within the first 3 months I saved $1000. Then summer came and well that vanished quickly. Everyone would comment, “man, you must be saving a ton of money!” And yes at first I was, easily $250-$300 a month. It’s amazing the difference in restaurant bills when alcohol is not purchased. It’s typically 50% less!

The lesson learned here though is that unless you have a systematic and committed approach to saving your money, you will easily find other ways to spend it. I know, not rocket science, but I have never been financially adept. That’s where I failed. Once summer approached I was spending money left and right on flat brimmed hats, eating out most of the time, and indulging a bit too much while on trips to San Francisco, Provincetown, and Buffalo. Although I will be drinking occasionally in 2015 my new venture is to begin a committed path to savings, and I really like the 52-week challenge. Wish me luck!

1. I(t) was worth it.

I may not have had some sort of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ experience by eliminating alcohol from my life for a year but I am so glad I did this. If the previous 9 reasons don’t demonstrate that then all I can offer is this, I committed to something.

Will power comes in small doses as we get older, peer pressure is easier to fall into, and human nature provides two choices when things get tough….fight or flight. Sure when school got intense, when my heart was breaking, when I was questioning my work life after some professional disappointments I just wanted to wash it all away with libations that have made it “all better” in years previous.

Me in my volunteer garb from Thanksgiving. HOT! (no literally it was super hot in there and that flannel did not help!)

Confronting the uncomfortableness, embracing the challenges, figuring it out on my own terms was such a memorable life lesson. When the going gets tough I have a strong person within, willing to fight and make things better. I have a network of friends who love me, who are honest with me, and accept me no matter what, even when I do quirky, odd things like going sober for a year.

I’m not sure what comes next. I joke that maybe I should now do the complete opposite and get drunk 365 days for 2015, but I think we all know how that would end. I know drinking is now an occasional part of my life, not weekly, not daily. I may even consider waiting until my friend Sean’s pub crawl in March, but not making any promises.

I hope you continue to enjoy my blog Confessions of a Fat Boy as I try to tackle some of the other lifestyle challenges in 2015 and beyond. In fact keep your eyes open for a potential switch to an official “Pronounce the K” blog! I’ve really enjoyed sharing this experience and hope as I evolve, this blog also becomes a source of motivation, relatability, inspiration, or even just mindless entertainment.

If you ever have any questions or comments and want to reach out to me directly please do at jpknapic@gmail.com.

Thanks again for all of your support, it really makes me feel special. 🙂

Confession 8: My (Thanksgiving) Solitude Challenge

Over this Thanksgiving holiday weekend I took up the Solitude Challenge from a friend of mine challenging me to turn off everything – phones, TV, laptops, etc. – and spend 30 minutes in solitude with myself in an isolated space.

I knew from the get go, this was going to be tough! Not having a cell phone in reach would be somewhat equivalent to what I would consider losing my hand. But always an optimist I decided to give it my all!

We’ve all had moments like these…… (maybe not as intense)

The challenge is to really just be with one’s self and either meditate, self-dialogue (maybe not out loud so, by chance if anyone is near, they won’t think you’re crazy), or just simply “be” and take in the surroundings.

Since I would be void of my social media world I decided to I reflect a little about something I did over this past week that I have never done before — I volunteered on Thanksgiving. I am not a bragger, more of a “self-depricater”, but as I sat there I really began to embrace the sense of pride I felt about that day, and immediately wanted to tell someone about it….. but that was about 5 minutes in to the solitude challenge so I had to contain myself.

I think the aspect I am most proud of is that although I’ve volunteered before on many occasions, it was never on a holiday, and this time even my pride felt different.

At this point, 10 minutes in, the solitude challenge was paying off in gold. My brain was just pinging back and forth with my heart. And it’s within those first 10 minutes that I unlocked why this time my pride felt different –

sacrificing one’s time is one thing, sacrificing tradition is another.

And as the solitude challenge moved forward I wanted to burst into speech about why volunteering on a holiday would be such a life enriching experience, but since there were 20 minutes left I decided then and there to save it for the blog post.

I volunteered at the New England Center for Homeless Veterans in downtown Boston, and it is a day that I will not soon forget. Here are a few reasons I think sacrificing tradition can be so enriching…..

You can start a new (family) tradition

I was amazed at how many family groups were there volunteering together for their 3rd or 4th year. What started out as mom and dad in year 1 was now mom, dad, siblings, and in-laws volunteering in year 4. Although this day is about service to others it makes it a little more special when you’re doing it with those you love because you literally, in that very moment, collectively realize just how much you have and probably take for granted.

Humbling but oh, so powerful.

And for those who simply cannot forgo their current family tradition

The period of time is not as long as most think. Shockingly I only had to be there from 12:30pm – 4:00pm. 3 and 1/2 hours, that’s just enough time to feel like you did something worthwhile.

So you technically can have both, just push your tradition back a few hours. I know the day is full of prep, but does Thanksgiving really have to be “Martha Stewart” worthy? (shhhh don’t tell her I said that). Save that for another occasion to show of your culinary and hosting skills.

It’s a day filled with stories!

Some inspirational, some downright heartbreaking. The stories that some of these men shared on Thanksgiving certainly broaden my horizons.

I was surprised at how happy and gracious many of these men were at the homeless shelter. Because of the stereotypes associated with these domestic warriors I was certain there would be much more hostility due to their own pride, and there were some. But the smiles and handshakes and willingness to share stories was refreshing.

Adrian, and 67 year old, miniature Hagrid from Harry Potter was the highlight of my day. He’s pretty down on his life, but smiles incessantly. He lamented how he’s ashamed of letting himself go from his 26″ inch waist youth to what I now gathered was a healthy 46″ inch. At times his boot-camp humor came out with cheeky little phrases that are more NC-17 than PG-13.  All at once he warmed and broke my heart.

Colin, a 29 year old, handsome young man, although stand-off-ish at first, finally came around once I offered to grab him some pumpkin pie from the the dessert table. My mom raised me smart- food, especially the indulgent kind, will make any man open up. It’s a wonder though why I am such a lousy cook.

Colin’s story hit home. He was my age, had some issues with addiction, but he still loved Thanksgiving day football. During minute 22 of the solitude challenge I found myself getting a little choked up thinking of Colin, mainly thinking that could very well be my life. Talk about a gut-check. The rise of young homeless veterans is staggering!

I take for granted that I even have tradition to fall back on, Colin still has a long road ahead of him until perhaps he is stable enough to create some traditions of his own.

 It will inspire you to do more……

I may not have completely understood, nor successfully completed the solitude challenge, however I did go phone-and-social-interaction-free for an entire 30 minutes! Yay me?!

Even though I successfully completed the exercise, after reflecting on a day where I interacted on a much more personal level, having a cell phone to turn to did not offer any comfort what so ever. It just didn’t seem like it mattered.

And as I evolve my lifestyle to be the best version of myself, it’s great to have experiences and reflection that ground us. Lifestyle is so much more than style, fashion, fitness, culinary aptitude (which I lack) etc.

It’s about cultivating a sense of self that is willing to sacrifice, now and again, even the truly important stuff or what we perceive to be important. It’s about humbling one-self to put them-self in someone else’s shoes to gain a more compassionate perspective for others.

And if that is what the Solitude Challenge helped me realize then maybe it was a success after all!

Me in my volunteer garb from Thanksgiving. HOT! (no literally it was super hot in there and that flannel did not help!)

Confession 7: I am homesick #BUFFALOVE

When I tell people I’ve just met that I am from Buffalo, NY (because they are too lame to have any original questions to ask) I often get the, “Oh, I’m sorry.” snotty reply, (because they are again too lame to have anything original to follow up with).

If you have been buried under snow over these past couple of days you may have missed the insanity occurring in my hometown — which is literally buried under snow.

Literally a wall of snow!

And it’s times like this that I get most homesick for my hometown, not because I am a snow bunny by any means, but because I know the majority of the citizens are representing the city’s motto of “City of Good Neighbors” in full effect!

Friends and family are shoveling or literally digging people out of their homes.

Local authorities and volunteers are being vigilant to check on the elderly, even carrying people on foot to hospitals or near by shelters.

Locals even turned to social media to make people aware of those stranded.

Niagara Univ Women's Basketball team @NiagaraWBB has been stranded on bus on Thruway since 2 a.m. due to #snow @WGRZ pic.twitter.com/tBowCsnxkg

— Michael Wooten (@wkbwMichael) November 18, 2014

Some are even taking a moment to marvel and simply laugh at the epic-ness of this storm….

Now I know Marquise Goodwin of the Buffalo Bills is not originally from Buffalo, but when you settle there, even for just a lil’ while you become one of us!

These are only a few examples of what makes me so proud to be a Buffalonian. I admit I’ve become rather jaded here in Boston, but not because of the natives. Yeah there are some that are rough around the edges, but in fact the people who are originally from Boston have a lot of the same neighborly characteristics. It’s those that converge here from less than neighborly areas of this country that give the city it’s somewhat unfortunate standoff-ish reputation.

So as another storm gets underway in Buffalo I have this message for those lame, unoriginal, wanna-be-elitist, pricks who say “Oh, I’m sorry,” when I reveal my origins. (Wait am I a super hero…??!!)

I am very proud to be a Buffalonian, mainly because it’s a city that nurtures its people. We don’t try to be something we are not, we embrace our quirkiness and history, and we try to progress for the betterment of all of our citizens. Buffalo certainly isn’t a Eutopia by any means, but if all of what you consider awful about Buffalo means it will keep terrible, judgmental people like you along with your attitude out, GOOD because you would not be welcomed to begin with! 

I love Buffalo, and Buffalo loves me…… #BUFFALOVE!

Confession 6: I need to learn how to stay C.A.L.M!

I originally started this blog to document my year without having a drink of alcohol. And with less than 2 months to go I have some big considerations to take into account.

I get asked more than ever lately, “Are you ever going to drink again?” and I usually reply with “Oh definitely……” but I have to admit there is some hesitation behind what I am saying. There is part of me that thinks, ‘will I just go back to the same habits that provoked me to do this in the first place?’

 

• Can I really have “just one”?
• Will I drink just to feel included?
• Will I spend more than $100 on alcohol in one night?

 

These past 10 months have been transformative to say the least. I have found a confidence in myself, or maybe the better term is self assurance, that the only person I need to prove anything to in this life is me. But can I really ignore that little voice inside my head?

As I prepare myself for the unknown beginning January 1 I’ve come up with a quadrant of of tools and strategies to help avoid falling back into the unfortunate habits that I am worried will haunt me.

Beginning in the New Year it is crucial that I remain C.A.L.M.

Confidence

It’s not that I wasn’t confident in who I was before I ceased drinking alcohol, but my self esteem and confidence were rattled a little at the beginning. I worried about whether or not I would be “as fun” hanging out socially at bars without drinking.

Because that’s a bit too subjective to gauge based on other people’s opinions (I think I’m wicked fun), about halfway through the year I changed the way I thought about it. It’s not whether or not I was fun, it’s about whether or not I was having fun.  Disregarding how others felt about my choice to not drink was empowering, it gave me confidence to not give a crap about what others thought about me, something I have struggled with my entire life.

So as the New Year approaches I plan to embrace that confidence even more, and not allow alcohol to impair that, or make me feel that false sense of security of inclusion through drinking. I have to continue thinking less of what others are thinking about me and focus on my own happiness. And to me happiness is a key component to being confident.

I am worth it.

Activity

So,  “am I having fun?”

Turns out, not all that much! As I mature, being fake with the the fake or standing in a bar throwing back shots just to be social and connect is not for me anymore. Sure, once in awhile it’s fun, especially if there’s an occasion, but every weekend…no thanks!

Workouts, new movies, weekend trips throughout New England WEGMAN’S!!, trying new restaurants, hiking, education, writing…. the list goes on and on and on and on of activities I ignored doing or was too hungover to enjoy to their fullest extent.

I recently read an article about the effects of moderate drinking habits that reaffirmed my desire to continue many of the activities (and more so) that I’ve listed.

 

Dr. Danny Mendoza, head of psychiatric services at the Beth Israel Deaconess in Plymouth, MA believes there are many misconceptions about drinking. “A lot of people really think that beer is OK, that wine is OK . . .it is still alcohol and it still has the impact on the body and the brain and it still has the impact on your functional status at home and school and work.”

What impacted me the most was the notion of alcohol’s impact on the brain and the body, even through moderate consumption. Over the past 10 months my endurance is off the charts, my memory gets sharper by the day, and my concentration and attention span have improved markedly. It’s a fact, I am not the same JP that did shots in Dublin back at New Year’s Eve 2014, and I attribute most, if not all of that, to not drinking alcohol.

So why would I want to eliminate those benefits?!

Before then, even with the slightest hangover, I would consider making breakfast an accomplishment for the day (#SAD). I would also consider it “working out” because pans are heavy (#EVENSADDER), and “educational” because I would always need to refresh my memory on how to poach an egg (#JUSTSTOP). Thanks Google!

In all seriousness I like that I am being more open to connecting and being social through activity instead of waiting until 10pm on a Saturday after a gorgeous day and opportunity has passed me by. Not to mention then feeling guilty in a hungover stupor on Sunday.

All that brain space and newfound vigor has also benefited my desire to focus on my…..

Lifestyle

This is a lifestyle blog afterall.

And although not drinking alcohol has allowed me to save tons of money this portion goes deeper than affording a certain type of lifestyle.

With being more confident and active I am exploring interests that I thought I didn’t quite deserve or because of the way alcohol affected my mental and physical state, never pursued.

• I am too fat to be fashionable, I wish I were skinny
• I am too old to transform my body, I am a lost cause
• I am too poor to travel, I want to visit Barcelona, Rome, Hawaii like he does
• I am too dumb to earn a master’s degree, I wish I were young again
• I am gay, I don’t deserve to be married

In this case alcohol either “helps” as a coping mechanism, but what it mostly does is magnify one’s insecurities, which perpetuates the start-n- stop cycle of “getting one’s shit together.” I mean how many times do you have to tell yourself, “New JP starts Monday!”

The ‘keeping up with the Jone’s” mentality is toxic. We live in a time now where it’s easier more than ever to know what everyone else is doing or accomplishing (or at least what they want you to know). I am tired of comparing my life to others or participating in FaceBook Faux Fairytale Land or Instagram’s Exaggerated Euphoria.

It wasn’t until about June 12 that I finally acknowledged that I am not the same person as the person(s) I am comparing myself to, and that has made all the difference. So what if that cute hipster looks amazing in his skinny jeans, or that he earned his master’s degree much younger than I have? He has the body type for them, I don’t. He decided that’s what he wanted for his life and kept going to school, I chose a different path.

Does that really constitute me feeling jealous of ‘him’? No, that’s absurd. But the mind is funny like that, and we all do it. I even look at women sometimes and get jealous which is even more absurd, but we’ll leave that for the therapist’s couch, shall we?!

My self worth should be based off of my lifestyle, not someone else’s. Remembering to set lifestyle goals based off of what I actually want to accomplish within my current life circumstances instead of comparing it to others or what society tells me is the first step. Then the next challenge is remembering that alcohol will only impair my ability to focus on my own lifestyle instead of a comparative one.

And in order to do that well it’s all about……

Mindfulness:

All of these tactics regarding Confidence, Activity, and Lifestyle cannot sustain or be successful without Mindfulness.

And the seeds to mindfulness are those moments of acknowledgement.

• I acknowledged a year ago that I wasn’t happy with my drinking habits.
• I acknowledged in summer that I don’t have to worry about what other people think about me.
• I acknowledged that I’m active, which has made me stronger, smarter, and more attentive like when I was as a teenager.
• I acknowledge that in 2 months I am going to face a new challenge, entering back into a life in which I can choose to drink alcohol.

There are so many things that get in the way of being mindful whether it’s stress at work or school, feeling tired, or even a weekend full of boozin. And when we’re not being mindful we do things that prohibit progress. For example mindlessly eating a bag of chips while watching a TV show when you know you have to fit into a suit by the end of the month for your best friend’s wedding.

And there really is no easy way to be mindful without practice. One of the few clichés I cherish is ‘practice makes perfect’ because IT. IS. TRUE!!!

It’s scheduling in 15-30 minutes a day just to write or sit with my thoughts. It’s taking a break from a stressful work or school project. It’s also reading about mindfulness. I can’t tell you how serendipitous it was that I met my new friend Jason Wise a couple of months ago and he blogs too…… literally about Mindfulness.

https://twitter.com/GetMindfulNow/status/530817734397816833

It’s never easy and I think sometimes, yes, the mind just wants to shut off to recharge itself. However my experience has lead me to a glass of wine or ice cold beer instead to ignore my big fat head instead of just focusing on changing the mindset. But the more one practices being mindful and invests in it with time, the less one’s mind will feel the need to shut off. Thanks Jason for the daily reminders!

Going into 2015 will not be easy as I re-acclimate to the “drinking is a reward” world we live in. I hope that in challenging myself to remain C.A.L.M. it’s not just going to help me avoid drinking alcohol every weekend, but to enrich my life through self validation.

I no longer want progress to mean being validated by others for the hard work I put into my life. I know, I know….. who doesn’t love a pat on the back or 100 likes on their Facebook post?! However, there are those out there that fully rely on it and I do not want to be one of them. That’s just not who I am anymore.

I’d rather have some spend my time with legit people and friends…….

 

 

 

 

 

 

And for those out there thinking that it’s just part of maturing, yeah, I understand that we all grow up. But we all figure life out in our own unique ways, and I would not and will not continue to do it any other way.

Any other tips?? Feel free to share!

 

 

 

Confession 5: I am a terrible friend. (But here’s how Spotify might help?)

As if I needed another reason to love Spotify, (i.e. Netflix for music), but they may just help salvage a wilted friendship with their ingenious and creative way of handling customer service issues.

Basically in a nutshell, or should I say mp3, Spotify has turned the mundane task of answering questions or addressing customer feedback by creating customized music playlists themed in a way that’s related to the customer’s issue. Take a look below!

This takes customer service to a whole new level!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It kind of brings me back to the days when I was in middle and high school where you’d make mixtapes (or CD’s more towards the late 90’s) for your girlfriend, boyfriend, bestie, or sister-wife.

They’d of course have themes for road trips, or anniversaries (1 month, 2 month), or sometimes ‘just because.’ Then there were those times that you’d have to make one because you messed up, or felt something was off in your friendship.

And sadly I have to admit, if my friendship were a company, I would be failing miserably. Over this past year I quit drinking, took on a well deserved yet challenging promotion at work, and threw myself into earning my master’s degree with Harvard Extension School.

What that means…..

I haven’t been very social, especially in the ways I have in the past since getting inebriated isn’t on the weekend’s to-do list anymore. Plus, I’m very self centric right now, which hasn’t left me much time to foster and maintain the friendships I’ve made here in Boston over the last 6 years. It haunts me, but I know the progress I’ve made over the last several months is the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time, but I’ve lost some friends along the way, and well, that sucks.

For those who have stuck around and supported me, you have no idea how much that means to me.

There is one friendship in particular I miss most. I miss my friend Mark. Things are off, they have been for awhile. Funny thing is we’ve both acknowledged it, but for whatever reason, we just keep avoiding ‘the conversation.’ ME, of all people who once told a senior colleague she probably shouldn’t chew gum in meetings because it made the intern look more like the director in the room, is having trouble having ‘the converstaion!’

Perhaps we’re both afraid of what the other person is going to say………

So yeah, it’s time we have the conversation and get it all out there. But I think I’ll take a page out of Spotify’s book and begin with music. Something I know both of us relate to.

Mark is one of the most lively, energetic people I know. His heart is always in the right place and he eats, breathes, and shits everything Boston. He’s one of the reasons I’ve liked living here so much. Mark is Boston.

And what Spotify has done so altruistically is use music for what it does best, it puts into sentiment what words cannot. This playlist is dedicated to him, my friend Mark whom I miss a lot. Interpret at your own risk, but the message is pretty clear, I miss him and whenever he’s ready….. we’ll talk.

Missing Mark Playlist

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Confession 4: I’ve got a big butt and I cannot lie! These pant fits you just can’t deny!

Not everyone looks good in skinny jeans…….

 

And there are just those people in the world who were blessed with a particular body type, who possess a certain confidence that allows them to wear just about anything. They are the friends you “accidentally” want to spill your drink on at the party because it’s seriously not fair at all. SPOILER ALERT: Even if you did spill that drink they’d act like they were straight out of a Mentos commercial and turn tragedy into a fashion triumph. MENTOS!

 I sadly am not one of those people. It doesn’t mean I cannot take risks with my fashion choices, but I certainly have to stay within certain boundaries. It was very clear the second I put on a pair of skinny jeans that they were a fit for skinny people…… they did not make you look skinny.

Pants have always been a struggle for me because I’ve got…..

• tree trunk thighs
• a muffin top even Mrs. Fields doesn’t want
• and an A.S.S….. Absurdly Super Sized

As I have matured I have come to accept, even love my body, but not without a complete love-hate relationship, a lot of which stemmed around how clothing fit. And don’t even get me started on the images men are subjected to now in regard to body perfection. Ladies….. you’ve had it rough. I’m sorry for that.

I’ve spent countless hours in fitting rooms scoping out the better fits for my body type so that I can feel subconsciously confident on days when I don’t even want to begin thinking about what I am wearing. Have I found the perfect pair? Not quite sure, but the three I am going to share are pretty darn close.

Denim: Lucky Brand Relaxed Fits  ($99 – $130)

Most relaxed fit jeans end up being the dreaded DAD JEAN, and we’ll just leave that to Obama. And loose fit jeans tend to have no shape at all, even for the curvy chap. Lucky takes a different approach to thier denim fits by combining the relaxed qualities that work best for guys like me (wider thigh area, bit of a higher rise) with different fits that when left on their own make it a struggle to just get over my legs. For example the 455 Relaxed Bootfit takes everything that is unique about a boot fit, mainly the leg opening, and marries it with the characteristics of a relaxed fit by keeping more room in the thigh area.

455 Relaxed Boot Fit

The 455 is ideal in a darker wash so that you can pair it with a great pair of boots, button down, and blazer on a business casual Friday. I’d also recommend the 487 Relaxed Straight fit for the typical jeans-and-sneakers kind of day. My only qualm is I think Lucky Brand is sligghtly guilty of vanity sizing. I tend to wear a 38-40 W pant and I at times can fit into their 36 W with a little room. I’ll keep you all posted when I am legit down to a 36 waist!

TIP: When it comes to price, denim is the one item of clothing that I firmly believe you should not be thrifty on. Invest, if you will, in a more expensive pair of denim and you’ll have them for years. If you give  your e-mail address you’ll get 20% off your first on-line purchase! 

 

Casual Pant: Levi 514 Straight Fit Corduroy Pant ($40-$60):

I usually hide from corduroy like a Grammy hides from Paris Hilton. But having a great pair of corduroys to choose from helps diversify your wardrobe, especially during the fall months.

514 Straight Fit Corduroy Pant

Usually within 3-4 wears you can tell this big boy has been on the move because the inner thigh is whittled down to a smooth “R.I.P. ribbed texture” surface. Levi’s cords seem to be holding up much better than pairs I have bought in the past including Banana Republic, GAP, and Kenneth Cole. With at least 7 wears in, my thighs have not annihilated the crotch zone. And the fit is great too, even if it’s more straight than relaxed.

They hug the thigh and butt with just the right amount of snugness, because there is a nice elasticity to the corduroy. However they can tend to stretch a lil’ too much after a long wear, which can be a good or bad thing depending on how bloated you are on your cheat days. In other words, they do require more maintenance with regular laundry cycles.

Lastly their price is pretty reasonable for a piece that isn’t worn through all seasons.

At the Office: Dockers Alpha & Field Khaki ($29.99-54.99)

My day-to-day work attire is usually a pair of khakis, button down, tie etc. And when it comes to my work wardrobe, this is when I like to have a little fun with it, and shockingly Dockers came to the rescue. Both their Alpha Khaki and Field Khaki provide a touch of modern and comfort respectively.  

First, the variety of colors is fun, fresh, practical, and always in season. Usually I tend to keep it pretty simple in my out-of-office wear, but when I am at the office I like to show off my whimsy, if you will. I can start the week off with a traditional khaki, and by midweek show off my brighter side with a periwinkle hue.

Dockers Alpha Collection

Second, the fits are really great. The alpha fit sits right below the waist, but is roomier in the thigh area with a bit of a taper. I usually have to go up a size because my thighs are slightly wider than my waist. The field khaki is super comfortable. They sit at the waist, have plenty of room through the thigh and butt without losing the shape. I prefer the field khaki on days that I feel like a fat cow, which is usually they day after a cheat day, #pepperonipizza.

They both hold up really well for long 10-12 hour days. Plus they won’t kill your budget. Sure I’d love to have a regular stock of Bonobos khakis to choose from every day, but at $88 a pop I’m not convinced having a little plaid butt-pocket detail is worth it. I’ll let my booty speak for itself.

ONE FINAL TIP: eliminate anxiety or frustration of time consuming shopping trips by wearing shoes that slip on and off easily (i.e. no laces) and just wear a t-shirt that you can easily remove and put back on.

If you have any questions or fits you think I should try on for size leave a comment below!

And just for taking the time to read this here’s another 30 second treat…..

Confession 3: I’m In Love With 3 Different People (on Twitter)

It’s been 5 days since my last confession….. and my penance is to share my TOP 3 favorite people on Twitter right now!

These individuals are inspirational to me, and motivate me to take my unique lifestyle perspective to the next level. One nod of approval from any of these 3 would be worth every key stroke! So why should I have all the fun and access to these exceptional tweeps?! Here are my favorites for the months of October (do I smell a series?). Enjoy!

Martha Stewart @MarthaStewart

It wasn’t up until about 3 weeks ago that my admiration for this woman turned into bonafide love. In a recent interview, the foremother of modern day lifestyle very candidly offered some curt yet “everybody’s thinking it” advice to one of the most annoying celebrity wanna-be lifestyle gurus, Gwyneth ‘goopy” Paltrow.

“She’s a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart,”

 

Not quite the endorsement Ms. Paltrow would probably be hoping for, but I am sure in her “I’m above it all, life is hard being rich” schtick she’ll be just fine. In fact, in the most passive aggressive move in celebrity lifestyle drama history, Gwenyth went and hired Martha’s former CEO this week. Oh, no she didn’t!!!! Has anyone called BRAVO?! I think we have your next hit right here…..

What really matters here though is that Martha is the Buddha of lifestyle, and her Twitter account is chock full of advice, glimpses into her personal/professional lives, affirmation that life is wonderful surrounded by things you’ve cultivated and/or made, and recipes that always make my inner fatboy smile.

Sure we don’t have the exact same tastes, but at 73 (yes 73, and looks damn good!!!) she continues decade after decade to influence America’s take on Thanksgiving traditions and summer outings. Even after serving a 5-month jail sentence for some shady stock selling, and not always being portrayed in the media for being the most friendly person or even-tempered boss, Ms. Stewart manages to stay true to her image. She embraces it and owns how the public perceives her. In the very rare moments that she attempts humor it’s either very biting or “cute” in the sense that she’s trying, but knows she was not put on earth to be a comedian.

That authenticity has never wavered throughout her career, and whether you love her or hate her, authenticity indicates someone’s conviction in their passion for what they do and vice-versa. An endorsement from her is what I would consider the holy grail of lifestyle endorsements. Gwyneth, dear, a non-endorsement really means you should give it up.

Bob Harper @MyTrainerBob

This guy is the reason I still tune in to the Biggest Loser. His fitness empire is not one of gimmicks and quick fixes, which is so important to how I approach my health goals. It’s about sustainable lifelong choices compared to to fad diets.

I have just recently started following Bob on Twitter, and I have to say he is one of the few celebrity Twitter accounts that I don’t think some tired intern of an assistant is furiously typing tweet after Instagram post after Google+ promo with their tiny fingers like a modern day sweatshop worker. It’s authentic.

Am I seeing a pattern here?

He has tattoos, he smiles, he yells, he is relatable. His nice guy image works for him because if I were to ever go on the Biggest Loser I would totally pick Bob. Jillian Michaels scares the hell out of me.

Although he is required to get his Biggest Loser contestants to lose a shit ton of weight, he is always trying to get them to look past the pounds and fix not only the physical, but the mental & emotional as well. Similar to some of his tweets. He tries to dig deep into whatever it is in each player’s life that allowed obesity to become a reality for them. Those who lose the most weight typically are the one’s who are most honest with themselves.

In my 20’s I’d joke that I would purposely balloon up to 300+ lbs just so that I could try out for the Biggest Loser. Bob however would most likely think that I  was sociopathic and that’s not the point of the Biggest Loser, at least as far as he is concerned. Bob’s influence is important to how I structure my day-to-day and what I share with you all because it’s all about being your best self. Sure he uses words like skinny and fit, which are not always the best goal words to use, but his methods work. His authority in sustainable health & fitness goals are part of the lifestyle landscape I am making efforts in becoming an expert in.

Tom Ford @Tom_Ford

I am slightly biased here because I have quite the crush on Mr. Ford, but in all seriousness he is one of the reasons I began taking notice of fashion, style, and trends since my early twenties. Although his Twitter presence is not as authentic as the previous two, he is someone that has built up enough credibility with me through pre-social media channels that I will continue to use him and his brand as a standard for my style and fashion inspiration.

His posts are typically geared towards his fashion lines and brand, but I have always looked at fashion as art in many ways. I may not visit the Museum of Fine Arts regularly, but I have an insurmountable level of respect for individuals who breathe life into fabrics, silhouettes, and clothing. We all draw inspiration from things that engage the right side of the brain whether it be paintings, poetry, architecture, or in my case fashion and that is why I keep a pulse on this very tasteful and modern man. Take a look……..

 

Now that I’ve shared my 3 favorite Tweeps, go out there and explore their extraordinary talents and find your own who share your specific passions!

Confession 2: Once upon a time I believed your work and private life deserved to be separate…. but not anymore!

It’s been 16 days since my last confession………

In a cyber kingdom far, far away

It baffles me that there are social media users out there who so blatantly post inappropriate, ignorant, and offensive content through their various social media accounts like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

It baffles me even more that these same social media users seem to never have heard of privacy settings; those, which are put in place to prohibit certain individuals and/ or organizations (limitedly so) from gaining access to the user’s personal anecdotes he/she posts but wants to keep hidden.

It baffles me to the infinity degree that these same social med-iots are shocked, appalled, and hopefully embarrassed if or when this unflattering social snapshot is amplified to the masses by their peers through the same social sharing platforms.

Let me be clear, I do not condone hiding behind privacy settings in order to post abhorrent (or illegal) content or ignorant points of view. But over the last decade with the likes of Justine Sacco, Anthony Cumia formerly of the Opie & Anthony radio show, and just recently with Kathyrn Knott, a princess turned evil and former hospital employee from Philadelphia — the vallainous alter egos of social media have been revealed for who they truly are.

In fact I’m more convinced than ever that because people can hide behind their privacy settings, and those who don’t think they have to because it’s their First Amendment right (I’m looking at you Anthony), employers should be able to request access to prospective employees’ social media accounts during the interview process, as well as randomly audit individuals currently working within the organization.

Why? Because what you post MATTERS.

I think it would be a novel idea to tie one’s income earning power to one’s penchant for having discriminatory points of view that perpetuate racism, sexism, homophobia and the like in this country (i.e. if you’re racist, you’d be paid less by not being paid at all) then I think we’d have a lot of people reconsidering their derogatory views on minorities. I can hear the right wing cringing as I type. And even I am eye-rolling at this naive, way-too-hopeful-in-humanity proposition.

Let me elaborate and perhaps that might shine some light onto my over optimistic, fairy-tail point of view.

A ‘Knott’ so Fairy-Tail……

Just recently Kathryn Knott, the delightful, I forgot to mention rotten, peach from Philadelphia was arrested along with 2 other suspects (Kevin Harrigan & Philip Williams) in association to an alleged attack on two gay men near the City Center district’s gay-borhood. So much for ‘City of Brotherly Love!’ Coincidentally it was social media that lead to the arrests of the 3 suspects including Knott!

The 3 suspects (L-R) Kevin Harrigan, Kathryn Knott, Philip Williams

Since those arrests were made public Knott has been singled out from the three suspects  by her social media peers and is being burned at the Insta-stake, crucified with a crown full of tweets, essentially forced to never show her face in public again. One look at her Twitter account and you’ll know why, and since at this point her Twitter account has been deleted (as those who post awful anecdotes amplifying their true ugly colors do ), here’s a dark glimpse into the hateful, homophobic, seemingly always intoxicated social world of Kathryn Knott courtesy of Scott Wooledge.

And here’s a few that make me furious…. 

Her lawyer is arguing that these tweets are being taken out of context. Ummmm OK, because “#dyke” was really just her misspelling the word dike, which is reference to a long wall or embankment built to prevent flooding from the sea. Solid defense! #YEAH_RIGHT

But wait the story doesn’t end there! To take her from, “ignorant little rich girl” to bonafide “super villain” Knott tweeted photos of patient x-rays while she worked as an emergency room technician for Lansdale Hospital. Most were unidentifiable, but under pressure from the Twitter community alarmed that HIPAA requirements around patient privacy could be at risk and the general lack of professionalism demonstrated by this mini-Maleficent, Lansdale fired her within the last few days.

We All Won’t Live (or Work) Happily Ever After

So here we are in 2014 and Miss Knott has finally been fired. Most of those awful tweets and photo uploads occurred in 2011, 2012, and it seemed that 2013 was a record breaking year for her in drinking her face off and drunk-tweeting as most 24-year-olds do. For what it’s worth (and it’s not a lot) I empathize with her since we do live in a culture that idolizes drinking alcohol, but that’s a whole other topic for blogging.

 Some have called this social media “Knott bashing” misogynistic and from a macro level I suppose it’s true considering the other two arrested were male and their mug shots are probably on some “Hot Dude Mugshot” website. However, it’s worth noting that Philip Williams and Kevin Harrigan are virtually impossible to find on social media. Kathryn Knott let the social world know exactly what she was doing and made it easier than a Sunday morning to find her Twitter account. Let’s hope that those who investigate and report for a living are exercising their due diligence in looking into the background of Mr. Harrigan and Mr. Williams. And if they do have social media accounts I’d be very curious and would bet that the we’d find similar content there too.

But this is an interesting notion. Lansdale hospital had to have conducted a background check on Miss Knott prior to employment, right? Even so in regard to the employers of the two men arrested. It’s a required practice by almost every company in America today. And I am sure that the HR approved service used for Miss Knott’s employment back in 2010 did everything by-the-book that eventually approved her to be hired. With that approval the company considered Knott to be a low risk or non-threat to the operations of their company…….and they never looked back. Regrettably so I might assume.

Had they looked at her social media accounts over the years would they have felt different about Knott’s risk factor? It was, afterall, right there for the world to see! And what about those who have a lockdown on their social media accounts (presumably the case with both male suspects) only sharing posts with those who have been approved to see them. Just because it’s “behind closed doors” does not make it ok to share illegal or disparaging remarks against another race, gender, religion, sexual orientation etc.

And if anyone thinks their First Amendment right is being infringed upon….. GOOD!

Societal True Love’s Kiss

If we continue as a society and more importantly as employers to allow racists, misogynists, homophobes, anyone who discriminates against a group welcomed by the United States to hide behind their Freedom of Speech BS where social media is concerned then we’re part of the problem.

Sidebar: casual racism is racism.

I think society in general, when it comes to social media and as participating citizens of the US, is becoming more savvy and outspoken when disparaging comments are being broadcast on these channels, and very quickly too. It’s caused many famous and infamous tweeps out there to retract ignorant and offensive statements usually followed up with an apology. But it can’t stop there. Just because you apologize does not mean it elicits change.

Why aren’t employers holding employees to a higher standard?

It always seems employers find out too late that their employees are conducting themselves in direct or indirect violation of policies that the company went over on their first day. Many companies end up apologizing and literally paying for the unfavorable behavior of a (terrible) employee.

So should employers have the right to pre-screen social media accounts for potential new hires and audit existing accounts of current employees? ABSOLUTELY!

And yes, before you start another eye roll thinking that this is just crazy talk this would need to be within reason using some very well thought out and approved industry guidelines for what constitutes as justifiable reasons for not hiring or termination. I’d love to elaborate on this, but let’s be realistic here in that it would end up being an entire book and you probably want me to wrap it up.

Company and brand reputations are scrutinized more intensely than ever before with social media at our fingertips. It seems like it would only make sense for these companies to ensure that the people they employ and “share” the company’s passion for the products they produce or services they provide, also conduct their personal lives similarly to the codes of conduct of the business. 

I wrote earlier what you post MATTERS. That’s why I blog, because I believe that I matter to some degree, and think that others matter too.

It matters to the kids growing up in a racially conflicted Ferguson, MO. It matters to women who fear that they can’t walk down the street confidently in fear of being sexualized or called a bitch. It matters to young boys who know at a very young age that they like boys and dream of marrying a man that some in society tell him he shouldn’t have the right to. I’m that boy…….

All of those notions and feelings — mostly sad, angry, defeated feelings that come with — can simply be stirred by #nigger, #slut, #bitch #gay #faggot.

It should matter to you, it should matter to employers, it should matter to everyone because eliminating hate matters if we collectively want to – one day – live in a country, nation, and world that operates on acceptance and merit instead of prejudice and dishonesty.

What are your thoughts? Should employers have the right to view social media accounts prior to employment, during employment, both?

Confession 1- This will be the first of many…… & p.s. my blog has a new name

SCANDAL…….. My So-Called Sober Life has disappeared!

Don’t worry my faithful followers, (all 4 of you) no no, I have not had a sip of the devil’s drink. Still 3 months and counting, 110 days to be exact, until I can crack open a beer or sip on a martini! But gone are the days of  My So-Called Sober Life and my fun ‘[insert # of days left here] (empty) bottles of beer on the wall’ titles. Thanks for all your support, but don’t stop reading because my blog is going to be even better!!!!

Why the change? Well my last legitimate confession in an actual church was probably over 15 years ago, so let’s just say I have a lot to get off my chest.

Plus it comes down to this notion that in my eyes I was becoming this whiny baby about my social life changing. Was that really a surprise to anyone? Was that really that interesting to any of you?

 

My initial promise was to deliver my “journey”, which much like like Anna Wintour, I am so over that term; so much so that I wasn’t delivering on that initial (lame) promise. My posts dwindled, and my material was running dry. When I went to sit and write all I could thing of was how not drinking affected my social life, and really, who. the. f***. cares!

What I was failing to share was that I switched out one social life for a completely different (and exciting) social life. One that did not involve tandem of Saturday/Sunday morning hangovers!  Now those Saturday/Sundays mornings, afternoons, and evenings are filled with activity, mindfulness, reading, exercise (boo), homework (double boo), learning, etc etc etc. I was so focused on thinking my friends were excluding me, and lets be honest some of my opinions did that for me, that I wasn’t focusing on (or sharing) any of the great things that were happening in my alcohol-free life including the awesome life lessons I was learning!

So why is this new social life more compelling than the other and why should you continue to read?

One word: Lifestyle

Although I was focusing on my life, in a way, I was being a bit selfish and a bit of a show off — ‘Ooooohhhh look at me I’m not drinking, aren’t I amazing??!!’ Sure, I am proud of myself for making this commitment and sticking to it, but why brag about that. You could watch Kanye West on that terrible show on E! if you wanted to watch 24/7 bragging.

I’ve flipped it around now and want to talk about lifestyle.

I want to share and write about my lifestyle that pulls from my passion for fashion (yeah I did 😛 ) and my lifelong struggle to be healthy and happy. For a deeper understanding check out My BIG Confession.

Lifestyle “reporting” has been around prior to the printing of the first newspaper. I mean one could feasibly argue that cave drawings to a certain extent were communicating a certain way to live aka lifestyle, back in the days of saber-toothed tigers and wooly-mammoths. In modern times with newspapers the lifestyle section was never the leading section. It was most likely buried behind world-news, sports, and finance. But many would agree that the Lifestyle section evolved for the sheer enjoyment and betterment of individuals who dare to focus on themselves, who dare to defy norms, who dare to try something different, something new, something exciting!

I’d be remiss to not disclose that part of this motivation also stems from a class I am enrolled in this fall semester at Harvard Extension- Social Media Analytics, which inherently requires me to work on a blog. But instead of starting from scratch and throwing away the past 9 rewarding months I’m using this as an opportunity to re-launch my blog and commit to this passion to share my lifestyle, and the lifestyles of others to help you the reader feel inspired and develop a unique one of your own.

I’m excited to start this new direction too because there isn’t anything else out there like it or if there is I certainly bring a different flavor, much like the classic Neapolitan ice cream.

• A chubby guy blogging about health & fitness plans that work for him and sharing progress! (vanilla?)
• A stocky bloke providing fashion advice for other stocky blokes who just want to feel good and more importantly confident in their appearance? SPOILER ALERT: some of it’s about embracing your size! (chocolate??)
• A homo who is smarter than the average bear, sophisticated enough if you will, to understand that there is more to life to blog about than health and haberdashery who will certainly point out things you ‘need to know!’ or might be interested in knowing.  (strawberry??!)

Is anyone hungry all of a sudden??!!

I look to celebrities like Martha Stewart (lifestyle queen), Bob Harper (Biggest Loser), Oprah Winfrey (seriously?), Louis C.K. (comedian) and Tom Ford (designer and dreamboat) for inspiration, motivation, and affirmation that I am doing the right thing for me. I’m thrilled to also grow my network by exploring other like-minded individuals outside of the celebrity stratosphere willing to share their experience and expertise. What’s in it for me is a gateway of information and perspective I never knew existed, and in return I open that gateway to you. I am not re-inventing the wheel or the blog, but I definitely know that my unique perspective is shared by more than most guys are probably willing to admit.

I must confess……… that I could not be happier to find a new avenue to steer my blog, evolving from my baby blog about not drinking to one that enriches me from head to toe.