I hate St. Patrick’s Day.
It’s true, and I hate Cinco de Mayo, and I hate Pride Weekend and a bunch more “excuse holidays” to drink your face off. And that is precisely why I don’t like them. These “holidays” have become the average joes of society’s excuse to get wasted and act like a bunch of assholes while not even thinking about why there is a holiday in the first place.
Sadly a majority of these asshole Americans think that Cinco de Mayo is Mexico’s Independence Day…….. guess what??!! It’s not!
I mean I can’t entirely blame these folks for their ignorance. It’s very likely their favorite alcohol brands have brainwashed them into thinking that, yes, celebrating St. Patrick’s day is really about acting like a stereotype of the Irish heritage (p.s. St. Patrick wasn’t even from Ireland).
One would think that living in Boston I would be thrilled about the “wear-your-favorite-green-t-shirt” holiday, but if you have never lived in a neighborhood where an annual carnival, festival, or parade interrupts your life for a day or even up to a week, you might not understand.
My first year living in South Boston, or “Southie” as most locals refer to it, was exciting especially around St. Patrick’s day because it was so close to one of the most sought out street parties of the year, The St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Crowded streets of “Kiss me I’m Irish” paraphernalia, people celebrating (usually with adult beverages), friends enjoying corned beef and cabbage (then being all farty). All the typical festive activities associated with this type of event made it seem I had found my own pot-of-gold when it came to city dwellings.
But after year three, no thank you!
It’s not from the stench of St. Patrick’s Day farts, it’s because people are assholes. There seems to be an unwritten code or law that I like to call “ass-sylum” when you get to act like an ass without consequence.
Sure you can sit on my porch random, slumped over with a red solo cup drunk guy dressed like the Lucky Charms leprechaun!
Oh! Thanks drunk girl, you rock! I’ve been dying to try out the new laundry detergent pouches I bought the other day. Was that Guinness or one of those hipster stouts? Just want to be sure to use the correct washing cycle……….
I know I sound like a 70-year-old curmudgeon stuck in a 31 year-old’s body, but yeah shit’s getting old. One of my great friends does a pub crawl every year that continues to grow and grow every year. In fact this year marks its 20th anniversary, 4 of which I’ve attended.
I’ve convinced myself this year that the reasons I am actually going is because a.) I love my friend and the spirit of his pub crawl — he’s recently started raising money for a local charity, Cops for Kids with Cancer, and b.) I know there will be people on this pub crawl that do not fall into the ass-ylum category.
When the Hunger Games themed invite graced my Facebook page a few weeks ago my deficient eye-roll reflex was in full effect. The doctor says there is nothing they can do for it, true story!……… (eye roll) Sentiments like being messy, and getting white-gurl wasted started to appear here and there. Ensuing debauchery seems to be the theme for the night for some (last year was Mean Girls, I think). These aspects I will be avoiding at all costs.
Now before everyone gets all, “Whoa, JP back up! You have been part of the debauchery in the past!” I’d like to point out one simple word…… past. I don’t want to get too involved in the debate on how our past should or shouldn’t define who we are today, but the past is just that…. already happened, moved on, live in the now. In my opinion, the past is simply a variable in the insane equation of who we are today. I own my past, but my perspective now is my truth in the present.
So what’s changed? It’s not simply a symptom of not drinking now. Over the years living in Southie during St. Patrick’s day weekend I’ve seen fights break out, I’ve seen innocent looking young women and men being marched by police in handcuffs against the parade route for all to see. I’ve seen and laughed at embarrassing antics of people (usually white boys twerking) who may have let their alcohol get the best of them, like this guy……..
Kind of hot….but still an act of an asshole!
I’ve seen friends be outright “C you next Tuesdays” to each other because fresh meat just walked into the bar during the pub crawl. I even once helped a man cross the street who I thought was doing some sort of Criss Angel “Mind Freak” shit as he was literally walking diagonally and about to be run over by impatient Mass-holes.
My last year in Southie, I still participated in the pub crawl, but when Sunday came around I was nowhere close to the area. And sadly enough upon my return later in the evening there were still remnants of debauchery lingering — celebrating their ability to start drinking at 10am and still standing almost 12 hours later. Ah, the American dream!
I think Pink sums it up best in her song titled Sober when it comes to my changing views on alcohol use.
“I don’t wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest, or the girl who never wants to be alone. I don’t wanna be that call at 4 o’clock in the morning ‘cuz I’m the only one you know in the world that won’t be home.”
I was that girl. We all have friends like that. I still do.
And I am not trying to pass judgement here. We all need a good excuse to get together and celebrate and let off some steam. And even if it’s not celebrating the actual meaning of the holiday itself [St. Patrick was committed to his faith and missionary work, the shamrock symbolizes the Holy Trinity not the flavor of your favorite McDonald’s Shake, and again he was not Irish] then at least respect and cherish being in company of your closest friends; and maybe consider adding a glass or two of water in between pints. You’ll most likely remember the night, and have less of a hangover the next day piecing together how your assholery progressed through the evening!
I hope everyone has a safe and fun St. Patrick’s day! Hopefully the weather takes a turn for the warmer. We’re definitely due!
And Remember….. Don’t be an asshole!
P!NK- Sober
Favorite Lyric: Ah the night is calling, and it whispers to me softly come and play. Ah, I am falling and if I let myself go I’m the only one to blame.
Confessions of a Fat Boy........ 
I could not agree more, and for exactly the reasons stated. Too many people become deeply unfunny, very loud and incredibly boring drunks on made-up days like this. There’s the world of difference between having a party and just going out to get slaughtered. Even over here in England – a country with what can at best be described as a colourful past with Ireland – people seem to lose all grip on reality on St. Paddy’s day. Why? That’s what I don’t understand. I can see no valid reason for it. Definitely best avoided.
I’m not commenting on your post to editorialize, because in fact it’s your blog and your thoughts so it is fact as you state it. (BTW love your blog, just usually hidden in the shadows until today). MY one thought to share, which you didn’t ask for, is that maybe you’re doing it wrong. I am 100% IRISH, 2 generations removed from the mother land but visit there from time to time, born to a Dorchester family and have spent many a night in southie and countless parade days. But I don’t think your complaint is just about St. Paddy’s day. I realized years back that every experience, good or bad is what you make of it and that’s not just a cliche. I used to LOVE tailgating at patriot’s home games.as well as FSU football games in college and in fact still do sometimes. But its very different experience than before. Less binge drinking, less time in the cold and rain, more time in nicer seats or in a restaurant to converse before the game. A lot of young adults, not all, approach it as a binge drinking only time and I myself was guilty of that at times. How is not remembering it a good time anyway!?. WE GROW UP. (a lot of us do). I want a few drinks, some great snacks, a fun atmosphere and then leave before it goes down a path I want to avoid. I still love southie on St. Paddy’s day. For me its about tradition, and having a family traditional dinner, hearing my dad’s commentary of the political breakfast that takes place, getting into arguments with friends about why they cannot absolutely in anyway wear freaking orange that whole weekend! and many other great memories. BTW the parade sucks! lets just put that out there. The crowd and music and drinks and food can be amazing…the parade? skip it. I go, drink, see friends, have a great time, and get out before i’m subjected to a nearby fight. That’s no different than any other event like that. I go to a bro bar near the garden and i’m not going to stay there until 2 to watch people fight, puke on the sidewalk and piss into the sink. I’ll leave by midnight. Nothing good ever happens after midnight! To your point about living in the mess….valid! all I can say is that everyplace i’ve ever lived has it’s perks and downfalls and inconvenient times. The Latino festival in dot is no picnic to drive through! I live my life glass half full so just find something awesome to do on St. Paddy’s Day that will be really fun and wont’ bother you. The Pub Crawl with a charity aspect sound like the right approach!
Thanks Dennis! Totally valid points, and thanks for sharing. I love that the Irish are coming out and replying, because I think you all have hit a really interesting point about tradition. It’s the lack of tradition that resonates with me and what compelled me to write this post. Our culture has diluted traditions, like the religious aspect of this day, and marginalized them by creating an atmosphere where binge drinking and acting like an asshole is the new norm. Now I am not saying we all need to go to church, hold hands, and pray, but I think it isn’t fair that I have to filter what I want to do because I’m trying to avoid assholes. I know that sort of reality will never exist, but it’s always nice to remind people that life isn’t always about being a hot mess. I’ll be the first to claim ignorance when it comes to what traditions exist in the Irish culture, but I’m certainly down to chow down on an ooeey gooey Ruben while learning some!
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