Confession: I love clichés and I’m drunk on life!

I didn’t think I could do it. On whim in 2013 I decided I wanted to try an experiment and live sober for one full year in what I consider an alcohol dependent pop-culture. Whether its admiring Olivia Pope’s penchant for ending a long week with a glass of red, or participating in a Sunday Funday — we are a culture that idolizes alcohol, me included.

Turns out I am not alone, nor the first to complete the challenge. So it was validating to know that anyone who wanted to consider this an attention-getting-tactic could simply bite me. I’m also that guy who bets everything regardless of the odds. I knew that if I was going through with this I needed to go big; it couldn’t be just one week, not three months – it had to be one full year as well as writing this blog.

It’s been a transformative year because it became about so much more than abstaining from martinis,  Crabbie’s, and red wine Thursdays. I matured, gained confidence, and made some valuable life choices along the way, some that I would like to share with you. I’m a few weeks behind on the Top 10 list, but as the New Year gets underway ending my self-induced sobriety I offer up my Top 10 lessons learned from an alcohol free year.

10. Social warfare is a thing

You realize those who aren’t friend material and you stop giving all the fucks.

Prior to this I just went with the flow when it came to my social life tolerating everyone even when tolerance was in short supply. In my early to mid-twenties my great friend Michael P. used to say, “do you want to go out to hang out with me or do you want to go out just to be seen?” I never fully understood that reference until about four years later, and I realize I have some friends who really just like to be seen and are suuuuuper shady. They could care less that I was not out at the clubs, they actually probably preferred it because there was one less person to fight for the spotlight.

I’m not the type of person who just let’s relationships lay in an ether of fakeness, playing nice just for the sake of decorum. I was raised on soap operas, what can I say?! This is especially true for those living out the real life version of Mean Girls, desperately seeking validation through a gay sub-culture being hyper-critical of their friends, posing as a self proclaimed life coach when really they just can’t mind their own business, rolling their eyes anytime your name is mentioned in their presence. [end rant]

This year I’ve identified my meanings (and requirements) for a friend, an acquaintance, and (social) enemy. Now I know “enemy” sounds dramatic — perhaps even petty, but there’s a few reasons. First, there are only a few social enemies. Second, I use the word enemy with these select few as a helpful reminder that there are significant reasons why they don’t fit into the other two categories. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!

I’m a sensitive, reasonable guy at heart and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. To fall into this category means you really effed up. I’m a forgiver so there is a chance for redemption, but the slate is never fully erased just like the chalk boards of my catholic school days. For the record, if any of these social enemies were on fire I would totally put the fire out……….. I went to Catholic school after all.

9. Friends increase in value

When you fall into my friend category you have to embody some of the following components:  kindness, humor-especially wit (big one), respect, a favorite reality TV show except Survivor, intelligence, at least one Beyoncé song in a playlist, and above all credibility. These are some more and of course these are mostly arbitrary to a certain extent, but that’s the beauty of choosing to live your life according to your set of standards, not letting the masses influence your principles much like alcohol influences judgement. I don’t need to have the most friends on social media to know that I have actual human friends who respect me.

To those who listened to me vent and debated with me, those who still asked if I wanted something non-alcoholic from the bar, those who did things with me outside of the bar scene I cannot thank you all enough for making this year enjoyable and invigorating in a much different way.

Sexy Bitches

UPDATE: Mark and I finally talked and things are good.

8. What you say (or blog about) has consequences.

It’s always humbling and exhilarating to run into people, acquaintances if you will, who   say they read my blog. What’s even more exhilarating is when people disagree with me, and not just for the sake of arguing.

Some readers were seriously put off by my St. Patrick’s Day blog post. Let’s just say there was a lot of judgement thrown from my end regarding alcohol consumption on this day. And by judgement I labeled those who get trashed among the many watching the parade as “assholes.” I still stand by my sentiments, but learned from many locals to Boston that this day actually holds a traditional presence amongst their friends and family. Not that this is an excuse to become belligerently drunk, but it brought some understanding that this day, for some, is much less about the alcohol consumption and more about celebrating their ancestry.

Intelligent and insightful debate makes my world go round. I am far from being an oracle of knowledge or life experience, so to learn different perspectives, knowledge that I don’t know, and even having the humility to say I don’t know something has been one of the best rewards from this past year.

7. My focus and productivity increased substantially

Admit it this past year you’ve spent at least one full weekend day in bed nursing a hangover flip flopping from Facebook to Netflix to perhaps some unmentionable activities. The laundry pile stares at you, the empty bag of Cheetos mocks you along with pepperoni slice you’ve found on the floor somewhere between the kitchen and bedroom. You promised yourself to clean the apartment that day and clearly this doesn’t happen, productivity is pretty low.

I also think most of us can admit that even having a couple of drinks can affect our ability to function the next day, especially as we get older. My Thursday wine nights always made for a lackluster Friday workday. (I hope my boss isn’t reading.) It’s a no-brainer, but experiencing is believing. The toxins that are working their way out of your body whether completely hungover or just processing a drink or two impact the ability for the mind and body to optimally function.

Living alcohol free allowed my work days to be more focused even to the point where I have adopted the Pomodoro Technique. Alternating between 25 minutes of focused time and 25 minutes of multitasking leisure time has boosted my productivity at work.

 My workouts have taken on a new intensity and priority allowing me to go from pear shaped to square shaped. I’ll never have a six-pack but man to not have a muffin top for the rest of my life would be amazing! Alcohol impeded this so (strict) moderation is the key!

6. Be careful, you might replace one thing for the other

According to the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention one in three people are considered excessive drinkers, which is determined by consuming 1-2 alcohol drinks during the week and almost two to three times more on the weekend. Prior to this challenge, I definitely fell into that 33%. I can only speculate now, but I am confident that will change to moderate for the remainder of my life.

Turns out though I have that “excessive” issue in general, and not having alcohol helped identify other areas where this psuedo-additcive activity was present or that I was just replacing the lack of alcohol with other indulgences. Whether it be binge eating an entire large pizza, or spending almost entire weekends in bed with a buddy, even though you’re eliminating one thing doesn’t mean you’re addressing the bigger issues. Because of that realization I am currently seeking out therapy to essentially prevent this indulgent behavior from ever debilitating my day-to-day life.

5. Mornings are quite peaceful

I have always been a morning person, up and at ’em by 7am on most weekends even after a night of drinking (although most of the morning would be spent just laying there). Hangover free mornings are magical, especially on weekends. Living in a city like Boston there are just so many people all the time, especially the more touristy areas. Walking around Boston Common or Harvard Square before 9am allows you to take in those surroundings without the distractions of other people: no crying babies, no text-walkers to plow through, like I said no distractions, just you and your surroundings.

Being able to sit on a beach at 6am in the morning with the occasional dog and his owner sharing the sunrise is one of my new favorite experiences that make me take pause and marvel at the universe I inhabit.

4. I don’t need to rely on liquid courage, confidence is in no short supply

The first time going out without having a drink was like going to my first high school dance, except instead of boys and girls splitting the room it was drinkers and well, just me. It was uncomfortable at first, I was worried I wouldn’t be funny or as animated as some of my other friends who tend to amp it up cocktail after cocktail. But instead of relegating myself to a non-social life for 365 days I made it my mission to not let my reliance of faux courage stop me.

I believe that when we are intoxicated we are a version of our most authentic self. Some say impaired, but I only consider that from the physical sense. From a mental state we are completely open and honest….. it all comes out, it all happens. Drunk texts, late night voicemails, things you regret saying the next morning, and not always good things — these are all things we have been yearning to do in “real life” but fear, insecurity, avoidance, or one bad experience prohibit us from going there.

And as the months passed I became more and more confident in being present. Not thinking about the soda water in my hand, but talking to friends and listening, really listening. Not being afraid to “go for it” in everyday conversation is invigorating. I was able to reciprocate, I was witty, I was the same ole’ JP sans liquor. Sure it takes a little longer to warm up and get comfortable, but once you get past that nonsense the night is as fun as you decide to make it.

It has even helped tremendously in my interpersonal skills at work where I sometimes get nervous around my senior level colleagues because I don’t want to say the wrong or the stupid thing in front of them. Again it’s just realizing that what you have to say matters as long as you are speaking responsibly and within context.

3. Sex is much more enjoyable!

I’ll keep this one short…… but yeah much much better. 😛

2. You save a ton of money (as long as you don’t spend it on other things)

Within the first 3 months I saved $1000. Then summer came and well that vanished quickly. Everyone would comment, “man, you must be saving a ton of money!” And yes at first I was, easily $250-$300 a month. It’s amazing the difference in restaurant bills when alcohol is not purchased. It’s typically 50% less!

The lesson learned here though is that unless you have a systematic and committed approach to saving your money, you will easily find other ways to spend it. I know, not rocket science, but I have never been financially adept. That’s where I failed. Once summer approached I was spending money left and right on flat brimmed hats, eating out most of the time, and indulging a bit too much while on trips to San Francisco, Provincetown, and Buffalo. Although I will be drinking occasionally in 2015 my new venture is to begin a committed path to savings, and I really like the 52-week challenge. Wish me luck!

1. I(t) was worth it.

I may not have had some sort of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ experience by eliminating alcohol from my life for a year but I am so glad I did this. If the previous 9 reasons don’t demonstrate that then all I can offer is this, I committed to something.

Will power comes in small doses as we get older, peer pressure is easier to fall into, and human nature provides two choices when things get tough….fight or flight. Sure when school got intense, when my heart was breaking, when I was questioning my work life after some professional disappointments I just wanted to wash it all away with libations that have made it “all better” in years previous.

Me in my volunteer garb from Thanksgiving. HOT! (no literally it was super hot in there and that flannel did not help!)

Confronting the uncomfortableness, embracing the challenges, figuring it out on my own terms was such a memorable life lesson. When the going gets tough I have a strong person within, willing to fight and make things better. I have a network of friends who love me, who are honest with me, and accept me no matter what, even when I do quirky, odd things like going sober for a year.

I’m not sure what comes next. I joke that maybe I should now do the complete opposite and get drunk 365 days for 2015, but I think we all know how that would end. I know drinking is now an occasional part of my life, not weekly, not daily. I may even consider waiting until my friend Sean’s pub crawl in March, but not making any promises.

I hope you continue to enjoy my blog Confessions of a Fat Boy as I try to tackle some of the other lifestyle challenges in 2015 and beyond. In fact keep your eyes open for a potential switch to an official “Pronounce the K” blog! I’ve really enjoyed sharing this experience and hope as I evolve, this blog also becomes a source of motivation, relatability, inspiration, or even just mindless entertainment.

If you ever have any questions or comments and want to reach out to me directly please do at jpknapic@gmail.com.

Thanks again for all of your support, it really makes me feel special. 🙂