I’m half way done with my challenge and could not have found a better article/blog to share about some of the motivation behind my abstinence from alcohol. I so often fall into the same insecure media induced tropes of achieving a body image that will gain me acceptance vs. happiness. Although I have to say that over these past few months that mind set is slowly but surely changing.
Shame is such an accessible resource that we all use to defend ourselves, control others, or in some cases just to make ourselves feel better about our own flawed selves. So take a read to see how spot on this point of view is within gay culture, and perhaps you’ll be inspired to change or accept how fantastic you are just the way you presently exist.
It’s true. You can become a virgin again, even after years and years of being a complete whore…….. for alcohol! I am frequently asked how and why I still go out with my friends to bars (or socialize around alcohol in general) if the whole point is to eliminate alcohol from the equation. Doesn’t it just get boring? Why torture yourself or even tempt?
And yeah there are those moments when you’ve pulverized the poor lemon or lime added to your soda water to almost nothing or you literally think you are going to piss diet Coke because you drank so much of it that you begin to realize your choices are pretty limited, or in other words boring when it comes to being at a bar.
BUT with some creativity, some courage to face the “did you just say ‘virgin’ to me” bartender, and overall self assurance that you have just as much a right to be in a bar ordering a non-alcoholic beverage as everyone drinking an alcoholic beverage, you can escape the monotony of drinking from the soda gun while reclaiming your (drinking) virginity! Here are some tips to making your bar night as a sober participant more interesting and enjoyable.
1. Shirley Temple Lives On: She may have passed earlier this year, but what better way to pay tribute to one of the most iconic (and well adjusted) child entertainers ever than trying to convince your bartender that you are not pranking him when the words “Shirley Temple please,” come out of your mouth.. This is a good tactic for bars that have the bare minimum, like just beer and the standard alcohols and mixers. A classic Shirley Temple is ginger-ale, soda water, and grenadine (some prefer cranberry juice over grenadine)
Is that a Shirley Temple drinking a Shirley Temple??!!“
Ginger-ale is the unsung hero of bar mixers. Ginger flavor is not typical in most people’s diets (at least not mine) so the sweet and spicy mix helps create the illusion that you’re participating in the “drinking” experience that all your friends are enjoying. The unique flavor can be intense for some so it helps slow the pace down, which is usually much quicker when it’s just soda water. I think since I have started this I have averaged about 7-8 pints of soda water over 2-3 hours. On nights like that I consider buying Depends (adult diapers) so I don’t have to bother getting up every two hours to pee, but on second thought I always realize how fucking ridiculous that would be and just use the skills my parents taught me over 29 years ago when I used “the potty” for the first time!
2. Mocktails: At a bar with a more sophisticated drink menu? Maybe a restaurant with a fancy cocktail list with clever “punny” names? Then pick your favorite one’s with the flavors you like and order one sans alcohol, aka MOCKTAIL. Now you have to be careful because sometimes the alcohol enhances the flavor profile (easy example: tequila makes a margarita, you would never just want to drink the sour mix because it helps balance that tartness out) But for the most part, if you have a great waitress or bartender, and let them know that you’re not drinking, but some of the drinks sound interesting……. chances are they will know how to substitute correctly to make a drink to your liking that won’t feel like something’s missing. (and maybe throw a lil’ extra their way tip wise)
I just recently went to Alden & Harlow a new restaurant in Harvard Square, and they have such a fun drink menu. They have so many different purees and flavor profiles that even when my friends were ordering rounds of drinks, I felt like I could participate too because the drinks were unique and fun. The ‘Ancient Stone’ was one of my favorites blending apricot, mint, minus the rum and champagne. The bartender added a couple of things just to make it more palatable. Usually the more high end and sophisticated the bar menus are, combined with experienced bartenders, they’ll be able to oblige and you’ll have a great night.
The VIRGIN Lemonberry mocktail…so yummy!
I just recently had this lovely concoction while visiting back home in Buffalo at a restaurant called Aroma. This was called the Lemonberry- muddled blueberries, mint, and soda and lemonade. Only thing missing was huckleberry vodka, and I didn’t even notice or care. Doesn’t it look tasty??!!
3. Counting Calories??!!: Yes, many of the mixers and purees are loaded with sugar and extra calories that do nothing to enhance your nutritional health. Purees are always better than mixers because chances are there is some actual natural food in there like blueberries, melons, etc. But if the sugar intake is making you weary and you’d rather ingest those calories somewhere else then this is where having fun with soda water comes in. Club soda is like a blank canvas, and believe it or not most bars have some pretty great “paints” for you to use at your disposal.
Lemons and limes are almost in every single bar. When you order your club soda, don’t be shy, ask the bartender to load you up with lemon and lime wedges, then squeeze the shit out of them for a natural 7-UP taste! Some bars may even have some other fresh fruits on hand like blueberries, strawberries, sometimes even watermelon!
But here is my little secret: MiO water enhancers are great for a night out. There are many flavors available at your local grocery store, and the best part is….. THEY FIT IN YOUR POCKET! Just ask your sassy gay friend, he’ll agree! Just flip it, tip it, sip it!
They are mostly calorie free and low in sodium. Some naysayers will criticize the complete artificial nature of this product, but when used in moderation, it can make your night a little more enjoyable. Just be careful when adding the enhancer to your soda water in a bar. Make it obvious that it’s your drink while squeezing some foreign substance in (take a sip right after) because some very vigilant patron may think you are adding a roofie or something crazy like that into someone else’s drink. If the establishment asks you to not use it or they want to confiscate it, just give it to them. It is not worth the hassle. In my experience though this has never been an issue.
Convinced yet that you can reclaim your maraschino cherry??!
I hope these three ways help make your experience as a sober patron going out to bars more tolerable and above everything fun with your friends! Remember, you chose this path, and your friends do not always have to take your lifestyle into consideration if they want to have a crazy exciting night out imbibing to their heart’s desire. If they invite you, great! Now you have some tools. If not, do something else….. Life. Goes. On.
If you have any tips to reclaiming your (drinking) virginity please share and leave a comment!
Sorry folks!!!! I promise I did not abandon you to run away with my CIA clone lover, turned lawyer from outer space. I was just having a real bitch of a time with my Managerial Economics class that I took this spring semester, and that pretty much ate up most of my time these last few weeks. The good news is, I passed with a B- (which is terrible to my own self imposed standard), but the bad news is I still have one Economics course to take towards my masters, and I am not looking forward to it.
I’ll tell you what I am looking forward to though……. summer! My plan is to relax, give my brain a break for a couple of months, and really take the opportunity to focus more on my writing, especially for this blog. Plus, being held at bay from my blog and not updating you all in over a month gave me the chance to think about a bunch of new post ideas! Did someone say virgin cocktail recipe post??!! 😉
I’ve also realized that I am putting ALOT of pressure on myself to be overly insightful, and provide engaging material on a regular basis so that at the end of this experience it almost reads like a book… (i.e. beginning, middle, end). You don’t know this but secretly I am the next J.K. Rowling, I just haven’t told the world yet. (Coming soon: Jerry Cotter and the Jukebox of Music! Pre-order your pretend copy now!!!)
Authenticity and engagement certainly should be the overall goal of any writer or blogger, but the process became so much more manufactured and forced than it was organic and natural. What I have wanted to do from the beginning is be honest and upfront, and for the most part I have been. However I was so focused on the STATS! sections that the pressure of making sure I lost weight or saved an insane amount of money month-to-month became more of a hindrance than a motivator. Afterall, I made this crazy choice to quit drinking, and in order to make sure that it was a success and prove to those who don’t get it, I MUST show it to the world through these metrics that “matter.” (I.E. the pressure was almost debilitating me from even opening up a new document to put words to “paper”.)
Originally, I didn’t stop drinking to change these specific metrics, although the added benefit is nice. I stopped drinking because of an innate feeling that I needed to explore my relationship with alcohol.
Part of that pressure also stemmed from the social aspect (or lack there of) that was quite frankly depressing me. The reality is yes, dynamics have shifted or become non-existent with some friends since I have started this journey for various reasons (school priorities, I’m coming off as being judgmental, and some friends have blatantly made fun of me to my face) and coming to terms with that was tougher than I anticipated. The changes are welcome in many ways; I’ve actually gained some fantastic new friends, strengthened friendships that matter, and passed my class, albeit barely. It’s the right thing for me in my life right now, but nostalgia will always trigger those lingering feelings that always beg the questions, “What’s wrong with me? What went wrong? Am I missing out on something cool and exciting?? Am I irrelevant?”
Lily Allen though sums it up best for me right now with her song “Life for Me” from her new album ‘Sheezus’……. (crazy fun album BTW- also love ‘Insincerely Yours’ and ‘URL Badman’)
Favorite Lyric(s): Why does it feel like I’m missing something?/“Been there and done that” was good for nothing/Everything’s perfect, yeah I’m as content as can be This is the life for me
Tell me I’m normal for feeling like this/It’s a bit early for a midlife crisis/ Everything’s perfect, yeah I’m as content as can be/This is the life for me (This is the life for me, yeah)
So this is where I wanted to start over or metaphorically press the reset button. As I mentioned I have had a lot of time to think and observe my behaviors over the last month, especially at points of high stress: finals at school, Harvard Commencement preparation among other work issues, and some of the uncomfortable changes in my social life dynamics.
Last fall I would easily end any stressful day and numb my mind with a nice glass of pinot noir, which usually turned into the whole bottle (sometimes two). Whether it was the mania of wanting to get an A in my class or the insecurities of trying to keep up with my “friend-ashians”, each sip would help dissipate that. If I wanted it to go away faster those sips turned into gulps. The more wine consumed the less worried I became about my world, my stress, my reality.
Since January, I haven’t had that coping strategy available to me. There have been nights recently where I wanted to crack open a bottle of wine at home. Ultimately that never happened, but something else has….. I have switched out alcohol for something much, much worse…….. food!
And I’m not talking about taking up cooking exotic, fancy dishes. It’s more like they know my voice at the Chinese restaurant and therefore know my order. I assume when the hang up the phone the nice lady just yells to the cooks, “ ‘Depressed White Boy’ Special To Go! Extra Duck Sauce! So Saaaaad…………..” And then they all repeat in unison, “so saaaaad…..”
So in a way I have replaced one coping strategy with another, and here is where I want to break the cycle.
I started out this journey losing an impressive 20 pounds since last November. I was feeling good, my pants were fitting well, and I felt like America’s Next Top Model anytime I walked down an open sidewalk. But as of recently 10 of those 20 lbs have crept back on me, (I split a pair of khakis the other day), and I’ve switched from ANTM to Biggest Loser. It seemed a bit perplexing to me since I am an avid gym goer and honestly do some pretty intensive workouts. I alternate from weightlifting to interval training working out at least 5 days a week. I also eat fairly healthy throughout the week, preparing my meals over the weekend for work usually consisting of quinoa, some greens, and protein.
So logic tells me that with all this activity (calories out) plus conscious healthy eating (less calories in) minus alcohol (even less calories in) equals losing weight. The factor absent from the this equation is adding in the unconscious binge eating (calories in, and not the good kind).
And that is currently how I cope. That’s got to change, and not for the sake of those metrics I mentioned before, but there just has to be a better way to deal with all of this bullshit that I am sensitive to.
I have always had this unhealthy relationship with food since I was young. While other kids were over each other’s houses on Friday nights playing XBOX or the latest version of gaming systems during the 90’s I was headed to the grocery store, loading up my basket with foods I could fry the shit out of (mozzarella sticks, jalapeno poppers) and picking up every soap opera magazine I could get my hands on. I was obsessed with soap operas! Like legit faked being sick so I could stay home from school because I knew Another World was debuting a new opening sequence and I had to see it live! There was no question I was queer in all sense of the word as young boy. (p.s. Lindsay Lohan got her start on this very soap opera. I knew she’d be a train wreck from her opening scenes as Ally)
I would read these front to back….. NO JOKE!
But those Friday nights became my safe place, my escape. I have always been teased about my weight. Being made fun of because your fat sucks, especially when you are young, and it still frames how I see my self worth to this day, especially with how male body image and perfection are portrayed in our culture today (more pop-culture I guess). But when mom’s hugs and advice were not enough, food made it all better.
I have no one to blame for my past, and as victim-ish as some of this sounds I am not looking for sympathy. It’s really just being honest with myself that as proud of myself as I am with being able to eliminate alcohol from my life for over 5 months now I have to be even more vigilant to change the overall behavior and coping process.
I’ve had a great experience with a health coach turned friend Evan Crothers (Confidence Through Nutrition) this past year that really helped frame some of this. And if there is one iota of his process that I can give away for free before I would have to refer you to him…… it’s that every moment that you are living and breathing is an opportunity to “start over.”
That mantra alone has been worth meeting him. It’s simple, it’s reaffirming, it’s true. We spend so much of our time beating ourselves up about what others think and that we’re not better than someone else; We feed into this insanity that we need to be skinnier, wittier, smarter, stronger….. why can’t we just be OK with being the best version of ourselves?
That’s where I stand today. The reset button has been pushed. I’ll still keep you up to date on those silly metrics, but maybe it won’t be on a monthly basis. Those are the fringe benefits to a much bigger process that I am working through going into year 32 in 3 weeks.
Eliminating alcohol is only part of the equation. There’s still some work to do.
WOW wow wow wow WOW wow WOW WOW!! I can cannot believe it’s been 1oo days of sobriety! Now only 265 more days to go…….. And I am certain they will be the toughest yet with summer right around the corner.
AND AFTER THE TUESDAY MORNING I JUST ENCOUNTERED I COULD USE F**KING DRINK…….. but this whole experience is how to deal with life’s “challenges” without having to turn to mamma’s little helper. So moving on!!
I’ve updated my STATS! (disappointingly so) — I gained a couple pounds, but I am cool with that. I know it’s not always about the number on the scale and that’s why I am going to incorporate body measurements within the next couple of months! Along with that I will reveal some more time lapse photos of my progress later in April, but school has been kicking my ass so it’s been hard to be consistent with eating and updating the blog. So thanks for bearing with me!
Keeping this post relatively short. I just wanted to acknowledge the time that has passed, which I am really proud of myself for, and I’ll save life’s musings for some other time!
One small anecdote I will share, which has always been my Achilles heel (not A-CHA-LESS)…….
is that I care too much about what others think of me. My friend Brian agreed with me the other day, which was a nice dose of humble pie. It’s in my nature to do nice things, almost habitual in a sense! I want people to like me, I want people to be happy because of me. I think a lot about how others will feel based on my actions, always hoping the result will be that they are happy with me for it too, and after chatting with Brian realized that’s not very genuine at all.
BUT (and it’s a good but) for the first time I don’t feel stressed out by that insatiable need for validation. I’m really enjoying and appreciating this experience mostly due to the clearer thought process I’ve had since alcohol has not clouded it. I still hope that my actions will make people feel good and happy, but for their own well being, not some insecure need for my ego. If people like me for me great, and if not…..there’s a kabillion people on this earth (according to JPedia, a pretty accurate source) and at least some of them have to like me…..right??!!
And with that, (and in the spirit of that brevity I mentioned) April is Alcohol Awareness Month. Check out this humorous Weekend Update sketch from Saturday Night Live highlighting the month and the dangers of self diagnosing medical conditions through the internet. Sometimes I am too super serious for my own good (when I am not drinking), and realize I need to “lighten it up”. I’ll try to let the Type-A side take a day off here and there!
Remember: drink responsibly or else you’ll diagnose yourself with the worst STD eveeeeeeer!!!!!!!
It seems like all nouns have some sort of awareness day, week, or month dedicated to it these days. Some worth it (ex. breast cancer, autism, anti-bullying) and some just absolutely ABSURD. Did you you know today April 4th is National Deep Dish Pizza Day??? Get the fuck out!!! (and Google it because it’s totes a thing)
So I was curious to see if there were any sort alcohol awareness months. Using my sidekick Google — seriously I would be so dumb without him — it turns out April is the month. According to the National Council on Alcohol and Drug Dependence (NCADD) the theme this year is “Help for today. Hope for tomorrow!”
It’s not a fairly well known “cause” since there does not seem to be a ton of support, promotion, or media around it. But for those interested about learning more about it or want some resources at their disposal to help a friend or family member in need this would be a good place to start: NCADD: Alcohol Awareness Month
For those of you who think that you are not dependent on alcohol (and many aren’t) I challenge you this weekend to do the same for just 3 days. Afterall, I have gone 89 days without a sip of alcohol, #humblebrag.
Whether you think this a cause worthy of your attention or not, this weekend is Alcohol Free Weekend (April 4-6). For the next 72 hours can you cope without having that beer or that glass of wine, especially if you need it just because you had a “tough week”?
It’s purpose is really geared towards taking that extra time or mind space to maybe check out resources and educate yourself on alcohol use, its effects on health, and how to help a friend or family member in need. Share your experience, learnings, and activities using #alcoholfreeweekend on Twitter or Facebook!
Aaaaaand if it’s not your cup of tea then my rebound challenge is to do more for a cause that’s meaningful to you. The next time your “instert cause here” awareness day comes around you should get your friends and family involved in a different way other than just wearing a color, unless every time you make eye contact with a stranger you tell them exactly why you are wearing it.
I wonder what you would wear for National Deep Dish Pizza Day??
Have a great weekend and remember #alcoholfreeweekend, you can do it!!!!
I am excited after many (many many many) attempts that this debut vlog is finally complete. It’s a bit rough and a bit long (15 min. yikes!), but I am exited to share some insights. With 84 days complete the actual reasons why are starting to evolve from the initial intuition that inspired me to take on this challenge of living sober for one full year.
I’ve had some time to review the video like crazy because I am waaaaayy TYPE A and want it to be perfect, but after ‘take 30-something’ I just had to let it be. It would perhaps be shorter (like legit 5 minutes shorter) if I struck the phrase ‘ya know’ from my vocabulary forever!
Without spoiling too much (other than the annoying fact that I say ‘ya know’ a whole fucking lot) enjoy!!!
I mentioned some other evolved reasons as to why I am challenging myself and have shared them below:
Alcohol was affecting my focus and memory and I really wanted to take control of how I spend my time at work and my time on the weekend.
People don’t mind their own business or feel they “can be real with you” because they are your “friends.” Alcohol does not a friend make. This thought process is not entirely fleshed out and maybe not completely tied to alcohol use, but there are a couple of experiences that have made me weary of having “drinking friends/buddies” anymore.
Gone is the hangover food and more time in the gym on weekends. Again a no-brainer, but definitely a benefit worth mentioning.
Again, thanks for taking some time to hear my story. If you have any reasons you’d like to share as to why you have or would want to stop drinking post it in the comments section below!!!
So I know it seems like my views on alcohol resemble how the not-so-dearly departed Fred Phelps feels about us gays, (re: Don’t be an Asshole on St. Patrick’s Day!), but I want to make it clear that I am not anti-alcohol!
I guess with any break-up, you seek out all the terrible things so that you can easily distance yourself from something that was a comfort to you for a significant time in your life. Truth is, yes, I do miss it; some days more than others; some reasons more relevant than others.
So I’ve compiled a Top 10 list of things I miss about drinking, some funny, some not so much, and some just plain comforting in the memories that are brought up.
10. Not Caring What Time it is
What is it about social drinking that makes you lose all sense of time? One minute you’re getting money out of the ATM for drinks 1 and 2, the next you’re at ATM #2 in Chinatown! Yes, there are still places in the 21st century that are “CASH ONLY”, and well your last $20 was spent on drinks 6,7,and 8 in the form of Jäger………….. but hey who cared if it was 2:00am? Who cared if you didn’t get out of the cab and in bed til 3AM. As long as one person was able to remember the night, time never mattered.
9. Late night, self challenged eating competitions
Confession of a Fat Boy in 5,4,3,2……
All of the foods of all of the lands……
I could easily house 2 Big Macs, 3 double cheeseburgers, a 6-piece chicken nuggets and a large fry (or 2) if I was lucky enough to get to a McDonalds before they closed. If I was alone I’d seriously try to make it seem like I was ordering for a group by being on my cell — DON’T JUDGE — and if I really wanted to sell it I would order a Happy Meal for the kid I don’t have. OK, so maybe I don’t quite miss this…….but I bet some of you would have paid good money to watch this master class in tomfoolery!
8. Beer Goggles
I am one persnickety bitch when I am sober. Fact: one’s standards increase significantly in the absence of alcohol, like A INFINITY TIMES! I just miss the excitement and suspense of “the escape” the morning after. That moment you realize you weren’t imagining the unhealthy amount of portraits, paintings, and sculptures of your cuddle buddy’s mother littered throughout his home is a moment you can not explain, you just have to experience it to truly appreciate it. I guess it’s like what winning the lottery would feel like if you got through all 18-locks on the door without even a stir from mommy obsessed cuddle buddy.
7. Couch Potato Force-fields
Ugh there is nothing better than realizing you are like 5 or 6 episodes behind in one of your favorite shows (House of Cards, Scandal, Orange is the New Black). And who am I to argue with Netflix when the next episode is about to start in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 seconds after the last episode??!! It’s like a forcefield, a nice comfy, relaxing, ass leaving an imprint in the cushions forcefield.
6. Just Hanging Out with Friends
There is something really nice about hanging out with just your friends, a couple of six packs, and not having the distractions of other bar patrons interrupting some good ole’ crazy fun, especially if drinks are flowing. New jokes are made, old one’s rehashed, some quality time that doesn’t involve having to figure out an alternative way of getting home because friend A wants to go home with Joe Guy.
Coincidentally since starting this journey I’ve been left off some invite lists that I would have thought I would have been included on, and that’s been tough to process. But if it is my non-drinking that’s contributing to not being invited then perhaps I have to reconsider what the term friend means to me.
I get it, not everyone can be invited all the time, or some people might think I don’t want to be around alcohol, but that is far from the case. I’m one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. I might be opinionated and outspoken, but I care A LOT about how others feel, almost too much. I just wonder sometimes if my feelings are considered or if I am just resigned to sucking it up and accepting these new realities because I made this choice.
Pity Party…. table for one!
Oh, so sorry…….you’re table’s been given to someone else because life is just unfair and things like this only happen to you.
Like I said, tough to process, but in the words of my fairy-oh-my-gawd-mother, Ms. Nicki Minaj, “I’m a boss ass bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!”
5. VODKA
Enough said………
Thirsty!
4. Just going with the flow
One of my flaws is that I am not a spontaneous person. I like to have a plan — thanks Dad. But as the drinks start flowing, so does my attitude. I legitimately want some of that laissez-faire attitude to carry over into my sober world because I sometimes feel trapped in my own mania of, “This isn’t the plan!!!!” type-A bullshit. If anyone has suggestions….. HELP!
3. Greasy Spoon Hangover Breakfasts
Dear Mul’s Diner,
I miss you soooooo much!!
There is no easy way to say this but I have to end this. It’s not you, it’s me. We’re just in two different points in our lives. You are too good for me, I don’t deserve you. I don’t have the heart to love you, not the way you want me to…………
I will miss you and your corned beef hash, the best in Boston! You will always be in my hungover heart.
Love, JP
2. Excuses not to go to the gym
Yeah since January 5th I have not slept passed 8AM. That leaves a whole heck of a lot more time for your conscious to motivate (or shame) you into going to the gym. I am sure many of my closer friends reading this are eye-rolling in tandem because I am constantly checking in at the gym and you all think I am becoming a gym rat….. and so what if I am? I prefer the term gym-bear and I am sure I can find a few reputable sources that side with me that more hours in the gym are better than hours in a bar. But even when you are sober it’s tough to motivate yourself to get to the gym. It’s just it was whole lot easier to justify a headache, dehydration, or a hangnail as perfectly acceptable medical reasons to avoid exercise at all costs when you had a hangover.
1. Thursday night wine extravaganzas with Olivia Pope
OK if you have not guessed it yet, I am a die hard SCANDAL fan. I have loved everything about its over-the-top, twisty, scream the dialogue as fast as possible drama since its debut 3 years ago. Every Thursday night I make myself a nice dinner and enjoy a bottle , maybe one and a half…. OK OK TWO bottles of wine while I secretly covet every Olivia Pope mannerism known to man. But there’s a connection to this weird isolated tradition that transports me to some of the best memories I have with friends from Buffalo that makes this the #1 thing I miss most. “What??!! SCANDAL!!”
Back home my best friends Leah, Michelle, Katie and Katie would meet almost every Thursday night for dinner and to watch our other favorite Shonda Rhimes’ show, Grey’s Anatomy. I still get teary eyed over the Denny and Lizzie storyline, (pre- “ghost Denny” of course!) A staple at most of these Grey’s nights was a nice glass of wine or two or three (I had class back then), when we weren’t on diets.
When Scandal became “must-see-live-tweet” TV I picked up this tradition again, except this time it was literally a party of one. And that’s not a sad thing, because the memories alone make me smile. Ask any one of us about the October Storm of 2007, and we could talk for hours on how a routine Grey’s night turned into one of the funniest, most creative uses for apples, night of our lives.
For the record: It’s the time spent with the people I care about most in life that I miss mainly, and then the wine. These memories certainly help cope.
Katie, Michelle, JP, Higley (Katie)
Bestest friend in the whole wide world Leah
Whether it’s mustering up nostalgia, feelings of insecurity, or seriously just missing the taste and smoothness of a little Grey Goose in soda water, alcohol is not an evil thing; when it’s handled responsibly, it’s a conduit for some really fun, interesting, communal and sometimes exciting life experiences.
Sure the benefits for me have been amazing so far since making this life style choice, and my first couple of posts may not have conveyed my appreciation for alcohol; but with all new journeys in life we have to navigate uncharted territory.
There is no road map for this process, but I hope in sharing some of the things that I miss, it helps readers understand that I don’t judge people who drink alcohol responsibly, and that this process is very real for me as someone who has chosen not drink. It doesn’t make me a different person, I’m still JP. I’m not doing it for attention, I’m not doing it for a pat on the back, I’m doing it for me.
The reasons I am doing this are still evolving and remain to be seen. Stay tuned next week though when I attempt my first vlog post, and I’ll begin to address this elusive answer to the question of WHY? Some cathartic shit I am here to tell ya!
Don’t forget to subscribe so that you’ll get the notification when I post next week’s video!
It’s the first update since I launched my blog last month! I am excited by what I’ve accomplished in such a short time. Check out STATS! for a month-to-month comparison as I progress. In 2 short months I’ve made some substantial progress. I can’t believe how fast January and February have already gone by.
Not drinking alcohol has actually not been that difficult…….. yet! I kind of expected that because the new year isn’t quite such a distant memory, and if there is one stereotype I do embrace being considered a “bear” or “cub” in gay subcultures, it’s that I love to hibernate. Spring cannot get here soon enough (8 more days!) because I am over this tundra bullshit, and when it does…. that’s when I am sure the temptation will begin sneaking up on me, driving me Joan Crawford cray cray.
She does have a point. Wire hangers ruin the integrity of the shoulders of most tops.
Right now if I craved anything these last 60 days it would be wine, which humors me since last month celebrated National Drink Wine Day! To celebrate I would have loved a huge Olivia Pope-sized overflowing glass of red! I usually like a good pinot noir, and by good the criteria I use is whether or not I like the label. Sorry wine snobs….. I don’t and never will care about the bouquet.
“Oh Colby are those woody notes I’m getting after a pungent array of third generation grape from Italy? OHHH is that orange zest I’m picking up???!!!”
My nose is fucked. All I smell is a good time in about two hours time after I yank the cork out. But enough about my “wining”……………… (See what I did there?)
Check out the summaries below for each of my STAT categories, and check out the individual pages to do some comparing and some new Biggest Loser pics!
I was hoping this would happen! I certainly had a game plan for taking advantage of the hangover-less mornings and the absence of my late night, self-challenged taquito eating contests. The feeling of pulling on a pair of pants and not having to suck it in has been the most rewarding!
I am excited about the progress I am making in the gym. The last 2 weeks since the February weigh in have been challenging because I am going in between gaining more muscle and losing some of the excess fat stores. I try not to let the number on the scale rule my esteem so that is why I have incorporated the pictures as well. For me, the physical transformation speaks louder than any number ever will.
This has been really profound in realizing I can survive on a budget, and a strict one at that. I still have impulse purchases that get the best of me, but I am taking it one step at a time and really trying to cut where I can. Some people would argue that it probably helps that I am not paying rent right now, but in the long run with the expenses I have picked up with utilities and car insurance, I’m not saving as much as I anticipated from that end.
The biggest change that I highly recommend for anyone looking to commit to a simple, easy savings plan is using the “paying yourself” method. I’ve committed that from every paycheck this year I will pay myself at least 10%, and put that directly into savings. Right now I commit to manually doing it because I feel like it’s a pat on the back, but I am sure one day it will be much easier and convenient to have it taken out directly, whatever floats your boat
Emotional: Thinking more than reacting (or not reacting)
I think not drinking has allowed me to explore my emotional intelligence a little further. Instead of coping with alcohol during stressful circumstances I find myself really thinking hard about different scenarios and coming up with legit solutions instead of avoiding them and hoping for the best.
For example, I attempted to complete my taxes using Turbo Tax which I have done for years. My initial calculations claimed I would owe $1200 between state and federal. I was shitting myself and stressed! Instead of grabbing a beer and procrastinating on how I would come up with this amount in such a short time, I was able think about my options more clearly.
I felt more comfortable talking about it with a friend and ultimately I decided the best course would be to have a professional look at it, and I cannot believe what insight she had. Turns out I was doing it wrong, specifically concerning my W-4. I still owe money, but she brought my tax bill down to $600. Now that’s a relief!
It’s not to say that I could not have come up with the same solution if I were moderately drinking, but I had the motivation and confidence to approach it instead of cower and stew in my shame for owing and potentially having difficulty paying the amount I owed.
This has been tough because I have no real reason to be social in the bar and club scene that much right now plus I think that living in the large isolated space that I currently live in does not help.
With not having the need to be in the social bar/club scene I feel like I am missing out on being “in” with the cool kids since they still carry on with their Real HouseBears of Boston antics. It’s fun to see pictures of their good times but paranoia does creep in here and there. The whole “Why wasn’t I invited, but it’s all over Facebook and half of the people there are friends of mine, and why is she there, ugh I hate that bitch, I guess people don’t think I am fun now that I am not drinking” crazy girl voice sets in.
Like I said….. it’s for the most part paranoia. I have taken into consideration that I have been invited and have chosen not to go on those occassions. Plus, friends know about my mission this year and perhaps think they are doing me a favor by not inviting me because it’s based around alcohol. So it’s a weird balance to strike between just letting it go, and (not) reading into things too much.
When I began this I feared that I would lose friends. And truth, is paranoia aside, I think I am. But when I consider the friends I may be potentially losing it’s like losing a pet goldfish. Sure it’s sad at first but then you send them down the toilet and forget the fish really ever existed. Life goes on.
The silver lining in this, and to keep with the pet theme is that I much more prefer dogs. They are loyal, playful, and bonds last a lifetime.
There have been a select few friends who have commented and supported the blog, given me feedback, and don’t treat me differently because I’ve made a choice. There have been some friends who haven’t.
There have been some people who I would have considered acquaintances, (some people I have not spoken to in 5+ years) who have reached out with their support and reaffirming comments, telling me how impressed and happy they are that I am doing this. I have nothing but respect and gratitude, and look forward to growing those friendships.
Just knowing that I have current and new friends supporting me motivates me to keep doing what I am doing, all the while letting the goldfish become a distant memory.
Ultimately…….. that paranoia, that crazy girl voice in my head just ends up being the 20-something version of myself whose priorities were obsessing about being liked by everybody. Now as my 30-something version of myself evolves, I’m realizing that I don’t really care about that nonsense anymore, but that’s a whole other post for whole other day!
So there you have it! Two months down and I am ready to face another. If you have any questions or comments you’d like to share, please don’t hesitate to reach out! And if you’d like to keep up-to-date with my monthly progress, don’t forget to follow my blog!
It’s true, and I hate Cinco de Mayo, and I hate Pride Weekend and a bunch more “excuse holidays” to drink your face off. And that is precisely why I don’t like them. These “holidays” have become the average joes of society’s excuse to get wasted and act like a bunch of assholes while not even thinking about why there is a holiday in the first place.
Sadly a majority of these asshole Americans think that Cinco de Mayo is Mexico’s Independence Day…….. guess what??!! It’s not!
I mean I can’t entirely blame these folks for their ignorance. It’s very likely their favorite alcohol brands have brainwashed them into thinking that, yes, celebrating St. Patrick’s day is really about acting like a stereotype of the Irish heritage (p.s. St. Patrick wasn’t even from Ireland).
One would think that living in Boston I would be thrilled about the “wear-your-favorite-green-t-shirt” holiday, but if you have never lived in a neighborhood where an annual carnival, festival, or parade interrupts your life for a day or even up to a week, you might not understand.
My first year living in South Boston, or “Southie” as most locals refer to it, was exciting especially around St. Patrick’s day because it was so close to one of the most sought out street parties of the year, The St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Crowded streets of “Kiss me I’m Irish” paraphernalia, people celebrating (usually with adult beverages), friends enjoying corned beef and cabbage (then being all farty). All the typical festive activities associated with this type of event made it seem I had found my own pot-of-gold when it came to city dwellings.
But after year three, no thank you!
It’s not from the stench of St. Patrick’s Day farts, it’s because people are assholes. There seems to be an unwritten code or law that I like to call “ass-sylum” when you get to act like an ass without consequence.
Sure you can sit on my porch random, slumped over with a red solo cup drunk guy dressed like the Lucky Charms leprechaun!
Oh! Thanks drunk girl, you rock! I’ve been dying to try out the new laundry detergent pouches I bought the other day. Was that Guinness or one of those hipster stouts? Just want to be sure to use the correct washing cycle……….
I know I sound like a 70-year-old curmudgeon stuck in a 31 year-old’s body, but yeah shit’s getting old. One of my great friends does a pub crawl every year that continues to grow and grow every year. In fact this year marks its 20th anniversary, 4 of which I’ve attended.
I’ve convinced myself this year that the reasons I am actually going is because a.) I love my friend and the spirit of his pub crawl — he’s recently started raising money for a local charity, Cops for Kids with Cancer, and b.) I know there will be people on this pub crawl that do not fall into the ass-ylum category.
When the Hunger Games themed invite graced my Facebook page a few weeks ago my deficient eye-roll reflex was in full effect. The doctor says there is nothing they can do for it, true story!……… (eye roll) Sentiments like being messy, and getting white-gurl wasted started to appear here and there. Ensuing debauchery seems to be the theme for the night for some (last year was Mean Girls, I think). These aspects I will be avoiding at all costs.
Now before everyone gets all, “Whoa, JP back up! You have been part of the debauchery in the past!” I’d like to point out one simple word…… past. I don’t want to get too involved in the debate on how our past should or shouldn’t define who we are today, but the past is just that…. already happened, moved on, live in the now. In my opinion, the past is simply a variable in the insane equation of who we are today. I own my past, but my perspective now is my truth in the present.
So what’s changed? It’s not simply a symptom of not drinking now. Over the years living in Southie during St. Patrick’s day weekend I’ve seen fights break out, I’ve seen innocent looking young women and men being marched by police in handcuffs against the parade route for all to see. I’ve seen and laughed at embarrassing antics of people (usually white boys twerking) who may have let their alcohol get the best of them, like this guy……..
Kind of hot….but still an act of an asshole!
I’ve seen friends be outright “C you next Tuesdays” to each other because fresh meat just walked into the bar during the pub crawl. I even once helped a man cross the street who I thought was doing some sort of Criss Angel “Mind Freak” shit as he was literally walking diagonally and about to be run over by impatient Mass-holes.
My last year in Southie, I still participated in the pub crawl, but when Sunday came around I was nowhere close to the area. And sadly enough upon my return later in the evening there were still remnants of debauchery lingering — celebrating their ability to start drinking at 10am and still standing almost 12 hours later. Ah, the American dream!
I think Pink sums it up best in her song titled Sober when it comes to my changing views on alcohol use.
“I don’t wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest, or the girl who never wants to be alone. I don’t wanna be that call at 4 o’clock in the morning ‘cuz I’m the only one you know in the world that won’t be home.”
I was that girl. We all have friends like that. I still do.
And I am not trying to pass judgement here. We all need a good excuse to get together and celebrate and let off some steam. And even if it’s not celebrating the actual meaning of the holiday itself [St. Patrick was committed to his faith and missionary work, the shamrock symbolizes the Holy Trinity not the flavor of your favorite McDonald’s Shake, and again he was not Irish] then at least respect and cherish being in company of your closest friends; and maybe consider adding a glass or two of water in between pints. You’ll most likely remember the night, and have less of a hangover the next day piecing together how your assholery progressed through the evening!
I hope everyone has a safe and fun St. Patrick’s day! Hopefully the weather takes a turn for the warmer. We’re definitely due!
And Remember….. Don’t be an asshole!
P!NK- Sober
Favorite Lyric: Ah the night is calling, and it whispers to me softly come and play. Ah, I am falling and if I let myself go I’m the only one to blame.
Part of the Music Monday (But it’s really Friday!) series
It’s Valentine’s Day! Aaaaaaand I’m a bonafide sucker for this Hallmark holiday. Ironically though, I’ve never had an actual Valentine on Valentine’s Day. Yeah, there have been fairweather boyfriends, but to be honest as I look back (I think) I have been single most February 14ths. And why not let the streak continue for 2014!
So why am I such a glutton for this made up holiday that is really just a front for people to break their New Year’s resolutions they made 7 weeks ago allowing them to stuff their faces with indulgent prix fixe menus including dessert and the box of chocolates sitting on their desk at work, when I haven’t experienced said indulgences?
Because you can be a slut for love on Valentine’s day!
It’s like the equivalent to gays and girls wearing next to nothing on Halloween (aka being sluts) because you know, sexy hobos are totally a thing.
Sexy Lamppost coming Halloween 2014
TREND ALERT: Halloween 2014 watch out for sexy lampposts to be the hot costume of the season. Imagine this tall piece of work on the left grinding on a sexy tree or sexy baby.
That’s right! On V-day you can roll around in all the candy hearts, cliches, and romantic comedy montages you want to for an entire day and not give a fuck about it! I’d stay away from rolling around in chocolate, that maaaaaaay not have the desired sexiness one would hope, and it would just look like you shit yourself.
The number of daydreams I have had running into a church to stop the wedding of the man I love as we run out of the gay-friendly church jumping onto a magic carpet and floating off into the sunset are boundless. And on Valentine’s day you might as well just call me Meg Ryan (pre-face-stuff) and look for me at the top of the tallest building in your city professing my love to anyone who will listen. One time it really was a Tom Hanks look-a-like and he was a little weirded out. I’d crossed a boundary. Happens to the best of us.
For all you cynics reading, I get it though, love is not like the movies. But I do wonder why sometimes. No one owns the trademark or copyright on love. So why do we act like there is only one way to experience it? In America it seems lately the way is mostly in this shroud of cynicism, fallacy (reality TV) and judgement.
I get it, my perspective is beyond naive, but isn’t that kind of a great thing? When we fall in love or have the feelings of it we kind of get to be naive — something that as we get older we completely lose. I mean who hasn’t experienced a moment of pure honest candor from a 4-year old that just made your heart melt?
We so often let our past experiences and others’ guide our destiny. By human nature we’re cynics, we judge, we throw any hope out the window because our self-fulfilling prophecy tells us that we are doomed, no matter who we meet, to never attain the holy grail of love because the pain of losing love is too great a cost compared to the actual feeling of being in love. Not to mention our own insecurities clouding everything. They’re too handsome for us, they don’t make enough money, I’m not smart enough, people have said she’s an actual slut, I can’t go through another break up, there’s an ocean between us (sigh). The list goes on and on and on.
I think we can all take a little something away from Little Big Town’s ‘Sober’. Take the cork out of that aged bottle of naive and drink to your heart’s content. We’re meant to love, and yes, sometimes with love comes pain in the form of breakups, distrust, abuse, and sadly loss because at some point, we all take a last breath. But I can’t help indulge my inner “flash mob on the Brooklyn bridge” heart and believe that feeling love trumps any of those others feelings. I’d like to think that the reason I die happy is because I spent a lot of it with the love of my life.
Little Big Town ‘Sober’
Favorite Lyric: I wanna walk that line a little crooked, and live my life a little on the rocks.
I like this little ditty from Little Big Town because it celebrates the intoxicating feelings of love. If there could be one thing to be addicted to that could be good for you it may be love………fatal attractions not included!
I’ll admit it I might get a little carried away in love. But if someone can dream it up and produce it in the movies, or sing about their truth and experience through music then I don’t see why I can’t experience it just as well. I mean most of those ideas and concepts were conjured from experience to some degree right?
So if you’re that lucky guy one day, be prepared. It’s an instinct for me to make the man I’m involved with feel incredibly special; to let the universe know that I am grateful to it for bringing him into my life. I promise to smile almost everyday when I am near you, and hold your hand when you need me to. The flash mobs are like every five years or so.
So remember, don’t be ashamed to be a SLUT FOR LOVE today! And if I’m preachin’ to the choir, never be ashamed to be a slut for love all the rest of 364 days of the year!
I leave you with one of my favorite scenes from Grey’s Anatomy this season that gets me every single freakin’ time. All it’s missing is a magic carpet really! The editing is a bit off, but it’s a good cliffhanger that does not involve death!……… Oh and don’t forget to follow my blog and share your favorite scenes or songs of love below!
Confessions of a Fat Boy........ 